


Tomorrow's Game

by Karfraegh18



Category: Kane (Band), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-03
Updated: 2009-10-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:04:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8695891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karfraegh18/pseuds/Karfraegh18
Summary: Jared's lover is dead.  He is recruited to a new secret program to become a protector of time, he can go back but the rules of time say he can't save Jensen.  It is enough to break any man ... but what will it do to a man on the edge ... ?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Please note, this is not a death fic... I mean one of the boys *dies* in chapter one, but trust me, I fix it...

**Time**

 

"The flow of sand in an hourglass can be used to keep track of elapsed time. It also concretely represents the present as being between the past and the future." _misc, wikipedia_

 

"Years of love have been forgot, In the hatred of a minute." _Edgar Allen Poe_

 

"There is a time to be born and a time to die, a time to walk and a time to run, a time to lead with your head and a time to let your heart decide. " _Author, 2008_

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

**September 3rd 2007**

 

Jensen frowned. Jared was late again.

 

He was consistently late, which is why Jensen normally gave him a time that was at least half an hour before the actual time he needed to be somewhere. He had forgotten that extra half hour tonight; hence he was now waiting outside the restaurant, leaning against his car in the opposite car park, breathing in the comforting noise and confusion that was Washington.

 

Ten years as a federal agent kept him on his toes, even as he stood, ready for his first anniversary meal, dressed to impress, in new jeans and a pale denim shirt. 

 

The agent in him had already sourced exits and checked people and cars, and the agent in him still had the reassuring weight of a weapon under his shirt, tucked in the back of his jeans. The boyfriend, partner, lover in him was anxious and a just a tiny bit annoyed that Jared was going to be late for this occasion, when it had actually been his big goofy boyfriends idea in the first place.

 

Jared Tristan Padalecki. 25 years of kid; irrepressible, excitable, kid, had grabbed Jensen for himself exactly one year ago today, had broken down all of Jensen’s _not doing this with another agent_ walls and shown Jensen that his career choice to work with the President some 5 years ago, didn’t have to be a lonely one.

 

They still lived in separate apartments and as soon as Jared and Jensen became JaredJensen, the younger agent had immediately asked to be reassigned away from the prestigious presidential detail, and had moved over to some science based detail, playing on his degree in biological science to get the move as quickly as he could.

 

Considering they had worked together with the President ever since Jared joined the detail two years ago, before the big _coming out over beers and sucking face session_ , it was difficult to be apart for the days at a time that they had to now. The last time he had seen Jared was three weeks before, and since then communication had been via email and cellphone only. Even then it was difficult to talk about what they really wanted, as all texts and emails and calls were monitored in and out of The White House as a matter of course.

 

He imagined what Jared would be wearing; he had asked Jensen to dress down and given he had seen Jared quite a few times in a suit, he was so looking forward to seeing his lover in tight jeans. He had Jared all to himself for a whole 48 hours, the perfect meal, the perfect company, and then back to Jared’s apartment, thankfully away from The White House for a lot of _miss you need you_ lovemaking.

 

Again he checked his watch, 7.25, twenty five minutes late, Jensen sighed again, shuffling his position to get more comfortable, his eyes lazily cataloguing the people going in and out of Café Espresse, happy to people watch, waiting for his tall boyfriend to arrive huffing and blowing and apologising. The thought of it brought a smile to his face, a smile that a tall slim blonde returned, tossing her hair as she entered the restaurant across the road, slinking in with her short dress that hugged her close, leaving nothing to anyone’s imagination. Jensen grinned inwardly, wasted on me, he thought, and again focused on the image of Jared in jeans.

 

He glanced at the large roman numeral faced clock he could see through the window in the restaurant, as he peered round the people waiting to enter; 7:29. Good, Jared would be here in literally a minute, Jensen joked that Jared’s concept of time involved adding exactly 30 minutes to every time agreed, and added he was glad it only applied in his private life, as 30 minutes late to save the President’s life was so not going to work. In his defense Jared said he was worth waiting for and as he was nibbling down Jensen’s neck at the time, rendering the older man incoherent, there was no comeback Jensen could think of.

 

A sense of excitement started to build in Jensen. Imagining Jared walking up to him, shyly knocking shoulders, a hug, the press of needy bodies in a discrete manly back patting hold. A car stopped just up the street, it looked like Jared’s and Jensen felt a hot shudder of anticipation shoot straight to his heart. He opened the trunk of his classic car, removing his grey jacket and shrugging it on, closing the trunk and turning as someone spoke his name.

 

“Jensen Ackles?”

 

Jensen looked confused, the voice, he pasted a smile on his face.

 

“Sorry?” he said simply.

 

There was a gun with a silencer in the man’s hand and in a split second Jensen started to reach for his own weapon, the other man’s eyes were as blue as sky and as hard as death, his mouth pulled in an approximation of a smile, sneering with hate. Jensen didn’t have time to negotiate, to assess, to attack, to defend or to plead.

 

The bullet left the gun at over 330 metres a second, there was low friction force between the bullet and a barrel, and the bullet hit Jensen’s heart with intense kinetic energy, so intense he left this earth instantly, in a heartbeat, in an instant his life gone. Jensen’s green eyes froze in horror as his earthly body crumpled to the floor, blood on his car, on the sidewalk, on the road. The man with the blue eyes didn’t wait, didn’t see the tall man running from the other car, didn’t hesitate to disappear in the alleys opposite the restaurant, disappearing into the shimmering heat of the late summer evening.

 

Jared reached Jensen 15 seconds after he hit the floor, knowing before he fell to his knees, his own weapon in his hand, that his lover was dead, hearing an awful noise of keening in his head, realising belatedly it was him. He scooped his dead lover into a tight hold, hands slick with scarlet blood and buried his face in Jensen's neck, trying to draw in his warmth and his smell.

 

Hands pulled him away, a blur of hands, and voices and noises.

 

“I was late” Jared said, over and over again, to nobody and everybody.

 

“I was late”


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen’s death led to a strange kind of silence in Jared’s head, like the quiet part of a concerto before the crescendo, the pressure to hear the next part began to build in Jared’s life. It was as if he was waiting for something.

 

For Jensen to phone, for Jensen to walk into his office, for Jensen to talk to him in the crazy part of the night when only the stupid and the criminally insane walked the streets. 

 

That was when he felt most lonely. Not during the day. 

 

In the day he could be Jared Padalecki, top of his graduating class at academy, handgun specialist and expert marksman, an agent with single focused intensity and commitment. At night he became a shadow of his former self, a broken lover, a shell, alone and lonely, and with regret inside him that ate away like acid in his heart. 

 

Everything reminded him of Jensen; people, places, guns, TV shows, food. So much so that he avoided people, places and TV shows as much as he could. He only stayed with his guns because they were an integral part of him, like the very breath in his body, they kept him safe and straight and secure and he would die with his gun as much as he lived with it. 

 

And food? Food was just a necessary evil and within days of returning to work he had started to look gaunt, his face sharp angles and sunken eyes. He was exhausted and not fit for duty, he knew that, his bosses knew that. That was why he had been assigned a desk bound paper shuffling job and that is how he found the file, Jensen’s file. It was the final straw, it was the small thing, the official photograph, family details, his work with the President, and it was all too much. 

 

He took the file and left.

 

He left the office.

 

He left his apartment

 

He told no one, not even his family.

 

He hid in the back of nowhere in a no tell motel, cleaning his guns.

 

Despair carving deep into his soul, slowly dying.

 

Just as he deserved to.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Senator Grant did not get to where he was today by pandering to subordinates, especially those from the security office dealing with _Terrenus._ How in hell they ended up with that bunch of screwballs under the auspices of the Department for Defense he would never know. He imagined it had something to do with his predecessor who had left a few odd working practices for him to deal with now, and boy was he enjoying sweeping out the dirt. Deal with the old ways he did. Swiftly.

 

That meant Maxwell Harvey, sitting nervously in front of him, was next on his list. This whole damn Terrenus project of his needed shutting down and shutting down now, whatever their misguided president thought at this time.

 

“We are really close Mr Grant,” Harvey started, pushing round glasses back up his nose and looking as close to crying as Grant had ever seen, as he eyed the little man distastefully.

 

“Just how close is really close?”

 

“We are missing one thing.”

 

“And that is?”

 

”A test subject.” 

 

Grant found that objectionable, “a human test subject?” he asked coldly

 

“Yes, if we can do that, we could prove one way or another that - ”

 

“You,” started the Senator, leaning forward over his desk “why don’t you go through?”

 

“I … erm … I cant … I have type 1 … diabetes” Jeez was the man stuttering?

 

“So what are you looking for? Some kind of non medically challenged, security cleared agent, with a death wish?” 

 

It was Harvey’s turn to look horrified, “No, no sir, we have run every scenario, we are convinced - ”

 

“Despite my better judgement, Mr Harvey, I have been asked to give you this. You find me someone willing to go through with this, someone stupid enough to think that the good old US of A can send people through this Terrenus and I have orders to extend the project life for another six months.”

 

”six months is - ”

 

“You have already had two years, work faster” and with that Harvey was dismissed and he left before Grant could change his mind.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Katherine handed him the four printouts that had just jumped and slid from the ancient Hewlett Packard printer that sat, god like, on the outermost edge of Harvey’s desk. As his PA she was quite used to the machine trying to eat her fingers every time she went near it, and could virtually escape it’s jaws of death blindfolded now. Harvey looked at her and looked down at the prints.

 

“So we are clear here, these are the most suitable candidates, Ackles, Thompson, Bryant and Pada … Padaleeky?”

 

“Padalecki.”

 

“Padalecki.” Max sighed, whatever.

 

“It’s polish apparently, he told me that - ”

 

“So this list, we need to interview them today if possible.” Max interrupted not too unkindly, he didn’t want to upset his, more patient than the most patient person, PA, but he was carrying a lot of residual anger from the meeting with Senator Grant.

 

“Not possible sir, I have cross referenced the list with the manifest. Well Ackles is dead sir, he was Jared’s - ”

 

“I don’t need history Kathy, the rest?”

 

”Well Bryant and Thompson are with the President at Camp David until the end of the month sir and don’t really have scientific backgrounds, and Jared … Padalecki … is AWOL, sir, but he is really the only one with any sort of scientific background.”

 

”Absent without leave, what the - ”

 

“He kind of lost it after Ackles - ”

 

“We don’t really have a choice, get me this Padaleeki guy, in my office by the close of play today, I don’t care how we do it.”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared’s gun was in his hand at the very faintest sound of someone trying the door handle of his room, rolling softly from the bed, to stand bare foot on the threadbare carpet. He crossed to door, hovering uncertainly, knowing not to look through the spyhole as the sudden change in colour to the outside person would give away his position.

 

“Jayman,” a voice asked from outside “open the damn door.”

 

Shit, Chris

 

“Go away Chris.”

 

”Jay, I need to talk to you.”

 

“I said go away, I’m not wanting or needing a cosy chat.”

 

“Open. The. Door.”

 

“Chris.”

 

“I’m coming in to talk to you man, whether you like - ” Jared opened the door, his gun hand shielded, the gun still gripped, trust was in short supply at the moment, even with Chris who he had known for years and who had been Jensen’s best friend.

 

Chris looked him up and down, a kind of look of horror on his face, “Jay …” he began, as Jared refused to look him in the eyes and crossed to sit on the bed, his back against the headboard, his gun in his hand, tapping a rhythm against his jean clad thigh. “… are you sober man?” Chris couldn’t smell liquor or see bottles, but shit, Jared looked wrecked, ill.

 

“Chris, I don’t drink,” Jared pointed out patiently “you know that.”

 

“Jeez Jay, then what the fuck is going on in here, is this some kind of pity party for one?”

 

Jared just stared at his lover’s best friend. Just stared.

 

And it sort of freaked Chris out. Deciding not to push the matter, he literally jumped in with both feet.

 

“I’ve been asked to find you - ”

 

“Took you long enough,” Jared bit out.

 

”We knew where you were Jay, just thought you needed time.” Jared made a small noise in the back of his throat. “Like I said, I was asked to come and get you, they want you back at the Pentagon, something to do with some project you were involved in security for, terrain or something.”

 

“Terrenus … it's latin for temporal.” Jared said tonelessly, still tapping the gun to some internal rhythm, unable to sit still.

 

“Whatever man, shower, you reek, and have a shave whilst you’re in there, Jeez Jensen would be freaked at this, at what you have let happen to yourself.” 

 

Jared stood, his face inches from Chris’s, anger sparking in hazel eyes, his jaw twitching. Chris shook his head and half closed his eyes, tensing and sort of expecting Jared to hit him for mentioning Jensen. Jared stared blankly and then in one smooth movement he moved past Chris to the bathroom, his gun still in his hand.

 

Still tapping.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The next few days passed in a blur of suits and ties, until at last he was back at the project, the fish out of water, the secret service guy in a Department of Defense building, still not 100% sure why he had been assigned such an odd role.

 

_It’s the President’s personal project..._

_And it needs to be overseen by the secret service why?_

_Because that arm of his security is the best he has..._

_I take it as a compliment then?_

_You haven’t seen what it is yet._

 

He saw Kathy across the office and she smiled at him. He couldn’t decide if he smiled back, but she scurried away hurriedly, so he guessed he hadn’t.

 

“Padaleeki.” Jared lifted his head to see the project manager standing in front of him, some small guy he had never actually spoken too, Hardy, or Harvey or something. He was new here, had only arrived a couple of weeks ago so Jared had not been there to do the usual security workup or check his clearance or any of his normal responsibilities. Something about the man made Jared’s eyes narrow, he was standing there, virtually bouncing from foot to foot, visibly sparking with excitement and it worried Jared.

 

“Padalecki.” Jared said deceptively softly.

 

“Mmm, OK, sorry, you need to come with me.”

 

“I do?”

 

“Yes, come on, hurry up, things to do, things to do,” and with that Hardy or Harvey or whatever his name was started to move towards the bank of elevators and selected the basement, waiting for the door to open. Jared watched unclear as to why he was being asked to descend into the bowels of the Pentagon. He had obviously scoped that part of Terranus as part of his security protocol before, had assigned a security detail, worked with Kathy on personnel, but as far as he was concerned it was a basement with a few technical looking bits of apparatus and nothing more. Reluctantly he pushed away from his desk and walked to follow the small guy to the elevator.

 

“Maxwell Harvey, call me Max” the small man introduced himself as the lift started it’s short decent holding out his hand, “I was sorry to find out about - ”

 

“Thank you.” Jared interrupted and then turned to face the doors as they slid open, end of discussion.

 

The room they crossed too was labeled with a marker pen as room B666, he didn’t remember that being it’s official room number and whoever had put the label there - Jared thought that was a bad omen, then actually realised he had made a joke to himself and flushed with shame at his flippant thoughts. If Harvey spotted Jared’s discomfort or the room label he didn’t say, just used his card to open the door and walked into a darkened entrance, flicking at a bank of switches and illuminating the room. 

 

Jared hovered at the door as it closed behind him, his gun hand twitchy, something felt off in this room, like a strange electric charge that sparked around him, it felt wrong, and he couldn’t believe that he actually felt a bit spooked.

 

“Jared?” He pulled himself back, looking down at Harvey from his six four advantage. “Come, sit down, I have a proposition for you”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

When it came down to it, even the direst warnings didn’t stop Jared from saying yes. 

 

Words like no return, temporal loss, eternus, terrenus; fixed return, radioisotope implant, physical body, death, president … they tumbled in and around his head as he sat at a complete loss for words. 

 

Harvey explained something about the former head of the project disappearing into Terrenus and not reappearing, talked of lines of time and consequence. He tried to talk about Newton and Physics until Jared reminded him he had a biological sciences degree, so he wasn't thick when it came to physics, just that he was disinterested in the general theory of time at this point. 

 

All too much.

 

“Yes.” Jared said simply

 

“Yes?”

 

”Yes.”

 

“Do you maybe want to think - ”

 

“I said yes, I meant yes.”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Two months of conditioning, theory, training, understanding, fitness evaluations. None of it numbed the pain of life without Jensen, the raw grief at losing the man he loved; Jared doubted anything ever could.

 

But one positive thing was that instead of two full months it felt like days, even hours, it went so fast. Working on fitness, eating properly, learning the rules by rote.

 

_Return is at a specified agreed time and relies on the isotope implanted in your arm._

_The isotope tracks your existence in your current time; it will glow from pink to red as you reach allotted time transfer._

_Only the physical body can go through._

_No clothes, what the... ok... so no clothes, just the isotope implant... what the... hang on a second what do you mean no gun? This is way more intense than Timecop._

_Think more Terminator_

_Where will i erm ... land?_

_Wherever we code your physical self to land._

_So no lion pen at the zoo, or right in the middle of a Timberlake concert then?_

_Horrific thought ... the lion i meant..._

_Dude I am so more worried about landing naked in a field full of teenage girls... and where do I get clothes from? I’m not going to beat people up with a pool cue._

_You will if you have to._

_Are you sanctioning me using violence?_

_Jared, no, I was joking._

_What about money?_

_Use your initiative. Also you'll be given a code to a government bank account live at that time and the bank it is held in, just in case of emergencies._

_Doesn’t that mean the account will show a debit from when … shit man, this is screwing with my head. What happens if the isotope doesn’t track me, how do I get back?_

_You don’t … you’ll be stuck in a middle world, eternus_

_The middle world?_

_The maelstrom, eternus, the middle world; stuck between times. Kind of limbo, stuck in the middle of the past and the future._

_With no way out._

_No way out._

_Would there be consciousness in that time? Would I know?_

_I have no idea ... but I like to think not._

_So it is either dreamless sleep or instant death ... cool._

_You cannot change the past; you are a keeper of time._

_Won't my very existence in the past, somehow change the future?_

_This is what your training is for, we can only send you back so far and it needs to be tested for us to fully understand._

_What if I meet myself?_

_You can’t, you just can’t do that … do you understand me?_

_You cannot change your past._

_You can’t change your past, we could never know the ramifications of that if you did._

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

_You cannot change your past._

_I am so sorry Jensen._

_I want to..._


	3. Chapter 3

The third day of his time at the Terrenus Project was when he started to really think about the ramifications of moving in time, planning, making notes, hopelessly confused about consequences of any action he might undertake in the past but kind of losing the plot whenever he imagined seeing Jensen again.

 

How could he? How could he see Jensen, when Jensen was already seeing him in the past? 

 

Go back more than two years, Jensen wouldn’t have met him then - Jared would be the fresh-faced secret service recruit straight from academy. 

 

So he meets Jensen, but what happens when the real Jared turns up? Well he cant, he can’t turn up. 

 

How? How do I stop it? Kill him. Kill myself? Stop myself existing. 

 

But then surely I wouldn’t exist to go back, I’d be dead.

 

Harvey and Jared often hypothesised; it was a game they liked to play in their down time, a game where one would say what if… and the other would attempt an explanation.

 

“If I have to go through naked, do I have to come back naked?” was the first ever question they discussed, Jared still fresh with horrible images of the teenage girls at the Timberlake concert. Max had discussed at length the whole idea of fusion, of Jared’s body being sent through Terrenus, and that it didn’t seem to work the same way when the subject matter was pulled back. Didn’t seem it? Best be naked to come back then just in case I end up like Jeff Goldblum’s fly.

 

Tonight’s question was Jared’s way of researching. “So what if I killed myself”

 

“Aaahh, a time paradox” suggested Harvey, his eyes twinkling, Jared snorted.

 

“You are so making that up”

 

“Seriously, that is a good question … if you go back and get shot or knocked over by a car, does that mean you don’t exist in the future and therefore couldn’t go back in the first place?”

 

“Max you just repeated my question”

 

”That is what us clever people do, repeat questions and look thoughtful”

 

Jared laughed, he had a lot of affection for the older scientist, “But that doesn’t answer the question”

 

”Well if you want my opinion …” Jared waited patiently as Max did that head to one side thing he always did when he was serious “… I imagine when you go back you are in kind of a bubble of time” he waved his hands to indicate a bubble “in your case it would have to be a big bubble”

 

“In your case, a midget bubble”

 

”Ha ha … so yes … what I imagine, is that you are isolated as yourself … time is fluid … hmmm” Jared nodded, they had had this discussion before, about time being fluid and branching into different directions. They had even had the parallel universe conversation, Jared remembered thinking at that point that, in some parallel universe somewhere, Jensen lived happily, perhaps with an alternative version of a Jared as his lover.

 

“Killing someone else though … that is them gone from the future” the age-old argument.

 

“That is what we … or rather the old director … hypothesised”

 

“What did happen to him, Max, is there something you are not telling me?”

 

“Nothing more than what you knew, he was here, the machine ran, and he disappeared”

 

“So where is he I wonder?” Stuck in the middle, the Eternus, Jared shivered visibly, horrible thought.

 

“We have no idea, no idea at all, the isotope vanished from our system.” Max shrugged, he had spent hours pouring over paperwork, reports, security camera footage, all to no avail. The best minds in the industry couldn’t solve it let alone Max.

 

“How can the isotope vanish Max” This was what worried and excited Jared the most.

 

“Interference in transfer, maybe he removed it, or it was removed”

 

“Removed? How?”

 

“I have researched the issue, I can let you see the file” Max suggested, so pleased Jared was taking an interest.

 

“So all that kinda points to him being in Eternus then, if Terrenus couldn’t bring him back” Jared suggested softly

 

“Yes” Max replied, casting a worried look at Jared. “You scared Jared?”

 

Jared paused, scared shitless but focused on the end result, “No, not really, what is the worst that could happen? I mean it either works and I’ll be alive and causing temporal mayhem, or it doesn’t work and I’ll be dead and I wont know anything about it.” 

 

Max sighed. He knew he wasn’t getting the real Jared there, but he couldn’t argue, Jared had plain sailed his way through his psych tests and, as much as any other man about to step through the door to the unknown could be, he was ready.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 1 day to test

 

Jared sat in the bank, waiting whilst the assistant went to fetch the lock box. He had ordered and paid for the lockbox about three days after being recruited to Terennus. He liked to think of it as his time traveling security fallback. Money, notes, a handgun and ammunition, clothes, passports in three different names and his favourite sniper rifle, dismantled and oiled and wrapped in felt. 

 

He added two final envelopes with clearly typed instructions, one addressed to Jensen Ackles, one addressed to Maxwell Harvey. He posted a third letter to Chris with a note of the number to this box and instructions to look out for certain things, he hoped Chris would understand and that it would be enough.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 2 hours to test – the final briefing

 

The room was full, none of the scenarios Max and Jared had run, had included the fact that Jared would be stark naked in front of the whole upper echelons of the Pentagon, including the President if rumours were to be believed.

 

“Seriously Max - ”

 

“Sorry Jared, this is the way it runs, you are a test subject, and you know that, I know that, they own us. They own us both.” Max sounded sad, he didn’t want the three-ring circus any more than Jared did, but he supposed at least he didn’t have to stand naked in front of everyone.

 

When Jared left the briefing he stopped and talked to Kathy for a while and then moved back to his desk, time to sort things out and tie up a few loose ends, like leaving a pile of clothes near the landing point so he could get them when he went back, noting the time, at nearly one hour to test he moved to the test room, ready, waiting, anticipation curling in his stomach.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 1 hour to test

 

Chris wasn’t happy and he made his feeling perfectly clear.

 

“I will see the testing Chris”

 

”But sir - ”

 

“I know the concerns Chris”

 

”We don’t know the full ramifications of - ”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

He needed to calm down, he needed to find his centre, his purpose and Jared luxuriated in ten minutes of remembering back to the final time Jensen and Jared had actually physically been together, not just exchanging texts or emails, but actually touching, just to get back to a time when he knew exactly what he wanted from his life.

 

“Jen, do you realise in two weeks we will have been together like a whole year?” Jared was staring out of the window of the car, preoccupied and thoughtful. He had been like this for the last few hours and Jensen had been worried.

 

“A whole year, how have I coped with that?” He said trying to break the silence. It seemed to work as Jared turned back to him with a grin.

 

“A whole year of my body, my brains, my awesome PSP playing skills” Jared smirked

 

”A whole year of your snoring and your big ass body hogging the bed you mean” Jensen retorted as they pulled up to Jared’s apartment, parking the car and climbing out.

 

“My apartment has two bedrooms you know dude, if you wanna - ”

 

“Not going to happen, I haven’t seen you in three weeks, I’m not seeing you for another week, I am so having that body in bed with me tonight”

 

Jared walked up to the door, unlocking it and being crowded in by six one of Ackles who immediately pushed him towards the bedroom, pulling clothes off as he went.

 

“Impatient much?” Jared sniggered, removing his clothes with as much haste, until they stood opposite each other naked and hungry and needy. Jensen moved in, aligning his hips, pressing himself hard and wanting against his young lover, then lips touched and tongues tangled and they climbed on to the bed not separating lips, kneeling opposite each other they took time to kiss and touch, Jared burying long fingers in Jensen’s dark blonde hair, moving his hands down to the back of his lover’s neck, massaging and pulling closer. 

 

Jensen pulled back, kissing and biting Jared’s jaw, moving to the delicately fluttering pulse point, kissing and sucking a bruise into the soft skin, inhaling the smell of Jared’s skin, listening to the soft sounds Jared was making low in his throat, knowing exactly where to touch him.

 

Jared wasn’t just laying back at this one though, and he pushed Jensen back on the bed, Jen loved it that Jared could push him around, always gave back as good as he got but after a few minutes of wrestling it was Jared on top with a giggling breathless Jensen under him.

 

“Submit to the superior being” he smirked and swallowed Jensen’s retort with a deep searching kiss, losing himself entirely to the wonder that was his lover Jensen Ross Ackles.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 10 minutes to test – test room

 

Max had actually sorted out some privacy for Jared by moving two screens downstairs from his office. Jared was thankful as he stripped out of his clothes, taking the time to fold them neatly on a chair. He had showered at home, looking at himself in the full length mirrored doors in his bedroom. 

 

Jensen had described him as gorgeous and sexy, but all Jared could see was long legs that had made his late teenage life miserable, growing so tall so quickly until the world was introduced to basketball Jared. Six four of lean gently bronzed skin, clean sharp angles and tight sure muscles. 

 

He had used the last two months well, he was fitter and stronger than he had ever been and this had of course impacted on the body in front of him. No softness. He wondered what Jensen would think of him now, so lean, so tight, so fit. Jared imagined that he’d probably moan at having to go to the gym to keep up, whilst actually being secretly pleased at the newer fitter improved Jared. 

 

Neither man was soft, had been soft, jeez, they were, they had been, the Presidents security detail and were, or had been, both at the top of their game. Jared told himself to stop saying were, had, could, it was driving him insane to have Jensen so close yet so far away.

 

These final ten minutes were either the last of his lonely miserable life or the start of something he was worried might really spin out of control.

 

He listened to Max as he did the whole welcome thing to the watching group, catching snippets of it as he waited to move naked in front of his superiors.

 

“ … sixty minute test … object here … blah blah blah, I am giving him a keyword, does anyone want to …. the isotope will trace his position to within a mile …”

 

Jared knew what he needed to do. 

 

Knew exactly what to do.

 

Exactly down to the last minute.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 2 minutes – test room

 

“Jared? Ready?” Max asked, his voice confident and steady

 

“Ready” Jared replied simply and stood, following Max out to the main room standing in front of Terranus. Max stopped and injected the small injection of radio isotope under the skin of his left arm, and it sat just below the skin, faint and pink.

 

Oranges1967, the keyword is oranges1967

 

Terranus itself wasn’t impressive to look at, no flashing lights, no noises, just a framework supported by four silver posts and a kind of netting that spread from one corner to another, netting that sat silent and black. Jared stood facing the framework, his back straight, ignoring the crowd of people who were feet away from him.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 30 seconds

 

The longest 30 seconds of Jared’s life

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T minus 10 seconds

 

Max and Jared exchanged a small smile as Max pressed a coded sequence on his laptop and the air around Terrenus started to sparkle and crackle, a low hum from each post. Jared could see the counter from where he stood.

 

4 … 3 … 2 … 1

 

Jared walked through, and for an instant his body was here, in the now.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T plus 2 seconds

 

Then the keenest sharpest pain he had ever felt; cold, hot, burning, freezing, pain so acute he couldn’t begin to describe, or to breathe, and he fell, hurtled, tumbled, landing as gracefully as he could on a cold hard surface, his breath still held, gasping for air, taking a conscious count of his faculties and his limbs. 

 

Still alive, Still aware, Jared Tristan Padalecki, OK, age 25, yeah, I’m thinking, I’m not dead. 

 

He looked at his arm, the injection site still pink, and in seconds he was moving. He had one hour, one hour to find Max, register success and then find the rest. He found the clothes he had planted, slipped on the jogging bottoms and loose Tshirt and pulling on the trainers, counting in his head as he did so. Next Max. 

 

“Oranges1967 Max” he said to the man who sat in the allotted office clearly blown away with what he was seeing.

 

“It worked” he squeaked, writing down the word and year with shaking hands.

 

“Yeah, Max, half way there, see you on the flip side” and then Jared left, moving on to the rest of the plan.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T plus 59 minutes and 30 seconds

 

The isotope had started to glow and ironically began to itch, and Jared hurriedly removed the clothes he had on and waited to be pulled back to his present, hoping that what he had done had worked.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

T plus 60 minutes 10 seconds

 

Jared’s return was without ceremony, he appeared in a crouch, landing as best he could from the pull back from the past. His eyes fixed on Max, who stood blinking at Jared’s return. In the present time mere seconds had passed and the young man was back in Terranus. 

 

Shaking Max opened the folder he had laid on the table, there written in his own handwriting, where none had been before were the words

 

It worked, Oranges1967

 

“Oh my … Jeez … it worked.” He realised that perhaps he shouldn’t sound so surprised, but it was lost in the clapping from the crowd as he exchanged a smile with Jared.

 

And then the door flung open.

 

“The President had been shot”

 

“The President is dead”


	4. Chapter 4

The room emptied in seconds, the collective rush of shock and grief driving the Pentagon’s finest through the narrow doorway, until only Jared and Max were left. Jared felt the weight of grief leave with the people who had only moments before watched his jump and stared sightlessly at the door as it swung shut behind the last person. Slowly he turned to face the other man.

 

“Shit Max, the President” he said softly, but Max just stood as still as stone, staring at Jared with a combined look of horror and shock tangling in his expression “Max, what the fuck?”

 

”What did you do Jared?” Max started to move towards the taller man, his fists clenched at his side.

 

”What do you mean?” Jared raised his hands in a physical gesture of innocence.

 

”Did you kill the President Jared, is that what you did?”

 

”Max, no - ” Max was still advancing towards him visibly bristling with tension until he stood inches from Jared, his neck craned to look up at the younger man.

 

“Jared, swear to me tha - ”

 

“Max, I went back sixty minutes, I neither had the time nor the motivation. I have worked with the President, guarded him with my life, why would I kill him”

 

Max shook his head, the horror slipping off his face just leaving the shock and the grief

 

“God, Jared, I don’t know what I’m saying … I’m sorry … it’s just you went back … and it worked and …”

 

“Max, it’s OK, I’m gonna get dressed man, then we’ll debrief?” Jared used his best calm down voice.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I have tests … to run … I need to take …” his voice tailed off as he walked back to the Terrenus controls, his shoulders slumped, taken brutally from the high of success to the shock of death in an instant and defeated by it all.

 

Jared watched him stand for a while, his own shoulder straight with tension and his own kind of grief; grief that this had been the only way he could guarantee the Terrenus project continued.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The success of it, Chris thought bitterly, was that it happened at the Pentagon, possibly the most secure facility in America, a single high velocity bullet, fired from distance, nothing on the security cameras, no sign of the weapon, no sign of the shooter, and all on Chris’ watch. He had a high temper going at the moment as he barked as Pentagon security cursing that the President insisted on attending this bloody project demonstration. 

 

He had already had the dubious honour of a distraught first lady, grief stricken, demanding answers, able to offer her nothing that confirming that, yes, it had been very quick and the President would have felt nothing. Her tears had almost broken through the ice that surrounded him as he focused solely on providing the President with one last honour, the identity of the person who shot him.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Max shut the folder, one eye on the television, one eye on the file containing Jared’s test results. There had been nothing unusual in them, adrenalin had peaked, blood results looked normal, x-rays revealed everything was where it should be. A CAT scan showed the brain functions were normal, Jared was lucid, his memories remained intact and he was able to explain his experiences clearly and to the last minute.

 

Max was satisfied with the results of the tests and he was writing a list of recommendations as Jared came back into the room, buttoning his shirt and yawning.

 

“This was the President’s pet project …” Max said softly “… and he never got to see it”

 

”It worked Max, just remember that, you successfully sent me back sixty minutes, I’m still alive, unhurt, he was instrumental in making it happen.” 

 

Max shook his head sadly. “It’s lost in all the President drama” he said, his eyes sad, “I’m not sure how long it will survive if Grant has his way now, he wanted to close us down two months ago”

 

“Max, if it closes down, it closes down …” Jared began philosophically, Max looked at him, a searching expression in his eyes, a small frown on his face, “ … but we had a blast doing it, we proved the theories right”

 

”Yeah”

 

”I’m gonna go and find the Presidents detail, see if I can offer help” Jared said, pinning his secret service credentials to his shirt and turning to leave.

 

“Jared?” Jared stopped, his hand on the door handle “I’m sorry about what I said - ”

 

“No worries Max, s’forgotten” and with that he slipped through the open door and into the deserted corridor outside.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris was running on adrenalin and coffee and was literally one caffeine shot away from shaking himself to death. Nearly forty-eight hours since the Presidents death, and they still had nothing, he needed sleep, his eyes sore and red and his head muddled and raw. It wasn’t just him trying to solve this, Jeez, the whole country had been mobilised, dragged along by grief and shock that their young President, so full of life, had been cut down in his prime at the Pentagon by an unknown assassin.

 

The news spoke of nothing else, fingers were pointed, accusations made, nothing real had happened and Chris took the trip back to his apartment near the University, blearily making his way across the river at five in the morning, thankfully the roads quiet and easily navigated. 

 

He let himself in throwing his keys and post down on the table and crossing to his fridge pulling out juice and drinking straight from the carton before moving to the shower throwing clothes off as he moved. He was in bed in fifteen minutes, sheer exhaustion driving him past the nightmare and shame of losing his President when he was on duty, something that would shape the rest of his life.

 

The letter sat on the table.

 

Just waiting.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared waited.

 

He had two weeks leave owing and he took it, offering to help Chris if needed, but focusing solely on what he really wanted to do. Chris had picked his brains on the assassination; Jared knew his guns, was a trained sharp shooter, and he knew angles and velocity and wind speed, he also knew the Pentagon, and that is what Chris needed most - a framework to find the shooter.

 

Still Jared waited, restless, scared, regretful and still grieving for Jen, caught up in the shock and a shame of the entire nation. Studying … researching … compiling … learning.

 

His phone rang at 14:53, ten days after the Presidents death.

 

“Padalecki.” he answered simply

 

“Jared, it’s Max, can you come in”

 

“On my way Max, what’s up?”

 

”I’ll brief you when you get here”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared slipped into the last chair at the table, Max, Chris, Senator Grant, Kathy, and others seated near him. He was the last to arrive and looks he received ranged from angry to relieved.

 

“Good of you to join us” Grant spat out

 

Jared remained silent, not rising to the criticism, despite the fact that he had only received the call thirty minutes ago and traffic had been a bitch.

 

Chris stood, obviously he was briefing, and words flowed over Jared, a poetry of timescale and letters and research.

 

“… this led us to the whole Jem Moore situation … he disappeared at oh eight hundred on the 25th, the isotope had been self injected, we lose him thereafter, we have a rough approximation of time, Terrenus was set to a particular time and day, but with the whole loss of isotope business we had no way of tracking him …” his words faded out to Jared as he searched Max’s face unobserved for a while, the older man looked grey, and old and concerned, Jared felt a twinge of pity and regret, but ruthlessly pushed it down, focusing back on what Chris was saying.

 

“So I propose given this is a time issue we need to consider using Terrenus to send an agent back to hunt this Moore down before he does any more damage to the future by meddling with the past.”

 

”I disagree.” This from Grant, who was playing devils advocate “We should stay away from meddling with time, it is far too dangerous, and what the hell, why dont we just send him back three days and stop the shooting.”

 

”Grant, what if this murderer changes time so you are dead? Think of that? He could be anywhere, he has the knowledge to build his own Terrenus, he could do anything be anywhere, it isn't just about saving the President”

 

“And us sending someone back helps us how”

 

”Helps us to find Moore, stop him.”

 

”You say this erm ... this Jem Moore ... he could build his own time machine …” Grant emphasised the words with a sarcastic grimace “ … he could be anywhere, any time”

 

“We know he set the location for Washington, we know what date, we send an agent back to deal with that”

 

”How far back? “

 

“It would be just over two years ... two years, one month.” Kathy passed round time lines and reports indicating time and position of landing.

 

“And he would be pulled straight back”

 

“We have drawn up scenarios, he would have to stay and be pulled back after around two years, we have evidence of time alterations across the two years, alterations that need to be tracked and rectified if possible.” Max seemed nervous as he explained.

 

“If indeed these alterations to time actually happen once Padalecki takes Moore out”

 

“I assume all precautions would be taken with Padalecki and the whole meeting himself time implications.” Jared sighed inwardly, no one had pointed out Jared would in effect return some two years older, he really was a tool in the governments hands.

 

“Of course” Max nodded furiously

 

“His being back there two years is surely going to have an effect on events that happen after”

 

“As much as possible we would keep Jared away from Washington”

 

“How will we know what he is doing? What will we use to communicate?”

 

”The Times … Jared will place coded messages in the advert pages, we can see them on a regular basis in archived copies”

 

“Do I really have a choice here” Grant grimaced again, staring over at Jared, his cold grey eyes boring into the younger man, searching for exactly what, Jared didn’t know. 

 

Fear possibly?

 

”No, given the circumstances sir, I don’t believe you do” one of Grant’s aids replied to what was probably a rhetorical question.

 

“Then I think we have a go on mission Nathan.” Grant briefly shut his eyes “God help us”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared had one night in the here and now before he was being sent back, he imagined it was time to say goodbye to loved ones, but he had lost the only person who mattered, so he had nothing to do except remember. He had one night in his own bed, looking at photos of him and Jensen, of Jensen and Chris, of happier times and inevitably he dreamed of those times.

 

_“You are a complete idiot Jay”_

_“Am not”_

_”Hence the response of a seven year old”_

_”Jen, I promise you’ll love it”_

_”It’s a cartoon Jay”_

_“It’s not a cartoon, it’s Pixar, there is a difference”_

_”It’s about a rat dude”_

_“A rat who is a chef”_

_“It’s unsanitary”_

_“I’ll spring for popcorn”_

_“And nachos?"_

_“With cheese sauce and jalapenos”_

_“Can we at least make out in the cinema?”_

_“Not at the matinee with all those kids”_

_“The matinee … Jay” Jensen positively whined_

_“And that gives us the whole evening to ourselves” Jared cajoled_

_Jensen enjoyed the film, although he made Jared work for a smile. Sitting in amongst 400 kids was an experience in itself and kind of made the whole film viewing fun, he wasn’t going to tell Jay that though, knowing that he was guaranteed much groveling by his boyfriend, and already planning what he was going to ask for._

_“Whatya smiling for?” Jared asked curiously as they arrived back at Jared’s apartment, beers and pizza in hand._

_“Stuff” Jensen said mysteriously, slumping on the sofa and popping the top of the beer, helping himself to a thick slice of pepperoni pizza._

_“Stuff?” Jared slid to sit next to him, flicking on the game and starting on the pizza._

_“Mmmm, good pizza…” Jensen moaned around his mouthful of cheese and dough and pepperoni “… my favourite”. Conversation stopped as the extra large pizza disappeared, most of the beer was drunk and the game was won. The evening was drawing in when Jensen turned to Jared with a smile on his face._

_“You chose Ratatouille, I choose rimming and a blow job,” he said simply, Jared snorted beer, coughing and spluttering as Jensen stood holding out his hand “Come on big boy, you promised me an evening, lets go”._

_Recovering Jared took Jensen’s hand, a broad grin on his face “Way better than a rat” he said enthusiastically as they stumbled laughing towards the bedroom._

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

“OK, Jared, you ready?

 

“As I’ll ever be, Max”

 

“Good luck Jared, we’ll see you in a few seconds”

 

Jared stood silently waiting for the countdown, a frisson of excitement down his spine, a strange nervousness in his stomach.

 

“… 3 … 2 … 1”

 

And Jared stepped forward.

 

To start all over again.


	5. Chapter 5

Jared landed softly on the balls of his feet, his equilibrium a little more settled this journey than the first time he traveled. He moved hurriedly to stand against the wall, gauging his surroundings and checking the area. There was no real sound to worry about, a few cars, a rattling bin, other than that silence. 

 

Max had agreed to drop him in an area that Jared had specifically chosen, after listening to Jared’s reasoning that it was empty, quiet and close to shops for clothes. He never questioned Jared, never asked about the location, never researched the history - Jared’s history, Jensen’s history - wouldn’t have suspected anything untoward. Jared did feel a small twinge of guilt, he really did like Max, but where the rest of his lover's life was concerned Max was a very small and insignificant part.

 

He listened carefully for sounds out of the ordinary, hoping against hope no one would find the naked man in the alley at the back of the Southside Hotel. Slowly he inched his way to the fire escape and with a flurry of motion was up at the third floor, across to the second window along, the stair window, left open to catch the air. Carefully he slid in, cursing yet again the fact that he had had to travel naked. 

 

Counting down the corridor he finally reached room 301 and hesitated. Inside this room was his destiny; inside this room was the one person that could help him make it right. Taking a deep breath, before anyone wandered down the corridor, he knocked on the door and took a step back so the occupier of the room could see him through the spy hole. 

 

He heard movement inside, saw the brief change of colour at the spy hole as the person inside looked out, heard some more noise and then the door fell open and Jared faced the business end of a gun. He raised his hands so the other man could see he had no weapon and guessed he could see he was hiding nothing else.

 

“What the fuck” the other man said

 

“Can I come in?”

 

Stunned he allowed Jared into his room, the gun firmly trained on Jared’s heart.

 

“What the …”

 

“You’re Jared Tristan Padalecki, born 19 July 1982, brother Jeff, sister Megan” Jared said quietly, the other man didn’t answer, blinking steadily, his face carefully blank “So am I.” Jared was torn between thinking how am I gonna explain this one and shit I hope the whole time bubble theory is real and that I don’t cancel myself out.

 

“Is this some sort of wind up, has Chad sent - ”

 

“No, I am the same Jared Padalecki as you are, just from a point two years in the future and I have come back to you because I really need your help.” Jeez, i sound like ten kinds of crazy

 

The other Jared stood as still as stone, his mouth open, still firmly gripping his gun.

 

“Why are you …” he waved the gun a bit indicating Jared’s lack of clothes.

 

“Long story dude, but can I grab some sweats - second drawer down yeah?” Jared crossed to where he knew he had placed sweats and a T-shirt, the same place he always did in hotels, second drawer down in the nightstand. Finding them, he pulled them out and climbed into the loose bottoms and a worn academy T-shirt. 

 

The other Jared just watched, hesitant in what he wanted to say, his mind churning, his eyes wary and hooded, he obviously didn’t know where to start either. 

 

Finally fully clothed, Jared said what he needed to say. “Sit down, let's talk”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They talked for a long time, but it was only after about half an hour into the talking that the other Jared felt he could put the gun down.

 

“I know you have an interview with the Secret service tomorrow, I need you to not go"

 

“I’ve worked damn hard - "

 

"I need you to trust me, I need you to go back to Texas and take up that position in San Antonio”

 

“But”

 

“I need you to do your job, be yourself, I’ll keep you informed, I’ll let you know, but I need you to do this for your country, for the President, for me”

 

“It doesn’t make sense”

 

“I know more than enough to make a difference here,

 

"But there will be two of us, I don't understand how - "

 

"I won't be Jared Padalecki, I’ll be Nathan Beckett”

 

“ID, you’ll need ID, to say - ”

 

“I have the means to get it”

 

“Money”

 

“There is an account”

 

“Jesus, is there nothing that hasn’t been thought of?"

 

“The President is dead, there is someone out here screwing with time, did you think we would leave anything to chance?”

 

“So all you want me to do it to go home”

 

“That’s all”

 

“For how long, I mean this gig is the opportunity of a lifetime - ”

 

“Two years, one month and the chance to do the President gig will come around again”

 

“Well shit.”

 

“Can I assume I have your cooperation”

 

”This is quite possible the most screwed up situation I have ever been in”

 

”Nah, remember Zack and the whole science teacher thing” Jared said this without thinking.

 

“Shit you really are me aren’t you?”

 

“I’m sorry, I really am, if there was any other way …”

 

”If you are me, and I think we have established you are, then we also know that I would agree with whatever you have come up with, so I guess I have no choice. If I can’t trust myself then who can I trust?”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They ordered up breakfast and said their goodbyes, Jared borrowing a pair of sneakers and making his way out the rear entrance of the Hotel, with the other Jared’s assurances he would be on a flight to Texas that day to take up the detective’s position with the San Antonio PD. Jared wasn’t even starting to consider what chaos that may cause to the future nor gave a single thought to how easy it was to convince his previous self that he knew what he was talking about. 

 

With single-minded determination he went to the bank that he had been told would be able to help him and he queued at a teller window not sure how the next bit went.

 

At the front of the queue he hesitated, the teller looking up briefly with a smile.

 

“Sir? Can I help”

 

“I’d like to withdraw some money please”

 

“Certainly sir, do you have an account number?” she handed him a slip and he looked at it blankly, before snapping out of it and scribbling the account number and associated code in the boxes provided together with an amount. He left the signature strip empty, as he had been told to do. The cashier took the slip from him, looked at the code, looked back at Jared, then back at the computer.

 

“How would you like that sir”

 

Jared was taken aback at the question, no ID, no signature “Erm, $20s and $50s, do you have a bag or something?”

 

And within minutes he was outside the bank. Now ID, clothes, a watch, a cellphone and lastly somewhere to stay.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

When he finally closed the door on his new accommodation he felt a great sense of relief. The apartment was as close to where he wanted to be as he could get, without too many questions being asked about references and IDs and huge deposits. It was a bit shabby, but clean, and would be his home base for the next two years; it was a roof over his head and was fairly secure, it was where the character of Nathan Beckett would evolve. 

 

Most of all it was close to a coffee shop. 

 

_The_ coffee shop.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared woke the next morning determined, but feeling sick at the same time. How was he going to handle this? How could he even start to think how he would feel, taking this whole deception one stage further, dragging someone else into this. He showered, pulled on new jeans, T-shirt and his jacket and slipping on his sneakers he had stolen from the other Jared, they were comfortable and they grounded him, connected him to his past even.

 

The coffee shop was so close he could smell the fragrant coffee lingering in the still morning air as he left his building, but in the short distance between here and there his stomach knotted and he felt physically sick and light headed.

 

It had been so damned long.

 

Too long

 

He sat at the table that gave him the best view of the door, nursing a black coffee and waiting, wondering if he was going to be lucky today.

 

It didn’t take long for the first one to arrive, Jack, the oldest and the very close to retirement, Chris not long after, smacking Jack on the back and teasing him about something Jared couldn’t quite hear. The two of them crossed to what he knew was their usual table, as it had been his, and Jared bent his head again to look back at the paper he was reading. The thing about secret service agents is that they would realise if someone was watching them, so he needed to be very careful. 

 

The door opened again, he didn’t raise his head - he just knew, like there was a spark in the air, a change in the temperature in the room.

 

“Ackles” Chris’s voice “39 – 27, not that I’m gloating man”

 

”I cant believe that Ackles team lost again.” Jack laughed

 

“S’all that southern politeness, they stop to apologise when they hit anyone.” The two older men snorted as Jared watched Jensen slip into the spare seat out of the corner of his eye, knowing he was drinking black coffee, no sugar and scorching hot. 

 

Time for Jared to leave, time to move himself as far away from Jensen as he can, until he could stop the tears that pricked the back of his eyes. He knew all three of the men would have observed him sat there, they would have seen him as someone new in the cafe today. That was enough.

 

It was enough that Jensen saw him.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Two weeks, Jared sat there every day at the same time, at different tables, always drinking black coffee, reading a paper for the first few days and then building his back story since then, sitting with a sketch pad and a notebook. He had even exchanged smiles with Jack over a shared reach for napkins and few I’m sorrys and excuse mes.

 

It was exactly 2 weeks and 1 day after he had gone back in time that he had his first interaction with Jensen. It actually wasn’t planned and was more Jensen’s fault than Jared’s, he moved from the counter as Jared left and they hit arms, Jensen’s new coffee splashing over Jared’s hand and his notebook.

 

“Shit man, I’m sorry, are you OK? Jeez did I burn you?” Jensen was incredibly flustered

 

”I’m fine, it’s fine.” Jared said firmly and went to move away, but Jensen stopped him, catching his arm.

 

“Your books, god, there is coffee on them, I really am sorry, I’m not normally so clumsy” The touch of Jensen’s arm sent Jared’s eyes to his, gorgeous green eyes, so full of concern and remorse.

 

”Honestly it’s fine, they’re only notebooks” Jared said softly, lost in the eyes, his heart beating in his chest as Jensen smiled. He said something but Jared wasn’t listening

 

“Hey, are you OK, you kinda spaced out there”

 

”Sorry. Honestly I’m fine. Thanks,” and with that he left, not breathing properly until he got back to his apartment, closing the door behind him and slumping down his head in his hands, the lurching sobs dragging up from his chest, the raw grief choking him, his breathing ragged and desperate. Just one touch from Jensen dredged up every hurtful word, every memory, and every moment with his lover in single blinding agony of emotion. 

 

How could have he ever have imagined he was going to do be able to do this, when his grief was still so close to the surface?

 

“Jensen” he sobbed quietly now.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

”Jensen what happened?” Chris asked concerned from behind him as Jensen watched the young man walk out of the shop hurrying on long legs

 

”I just walked into that notebook guy” he said in a low voice and with a shrug he went back to the counter for a refill of his coffee. When he got back to the table it was to find Chris and Jack smirking

 

“What?” he said irritably, knowing exactly where they were going with their smirking.

 

“You just happened to accidentally knock into the hot notebook guy, the one you have been ogling for the past two weeks?” Chris suggested slyly

 

“Mmmm, the hot guy with the long legs and the tight - ”

 

“Jack, it’s enough that I have this from Chris let alone you”

 

“Jenny boy – “

 

“Don’t call me that Christine”

 

“Jen, seriously, ask him out already”

 

”Chris I’m not even sure he’s - ”

 

“Dude, he wears pink all the time, and he draws” Chris snorted

 

“Maybe he is an artist?” Jack suggested, trying to be helpful

 

“Guys, enough, I am not crushing on the straight guy” Jensen groaned

 

”You are Jen, you are crushing, you’ve been on your own for like six months now, get yourself a bit of fun before you’re 30”

 

”Chris …” Jensen laughed

 

“Tomorrow, go and talk to the guy”

 

“Chris we’re not back on duty till next week”

 

”So come here on your day off, start up a conversation”

 

“No way, dude, I am not coming over as desperate”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Despite saying this Jensen really couldn’t explain why he was sat in the coffee shop on his day off, ridiculously early, waiting for tall notebook guy to arrive.

 

Insanity … that is what it was.

 

Pure … unadulterated … insanity.


	6. Chapter 6

Jared was aware that the small group of men worked in a two week on, one week off pattern, and he had assumed that today he wouldn’t see Jensen, making him feel a little more relaxed about his notebooks and his coffee. Strangely enough his whole cover story was actually something he was beginning to enjoy; art had always been a strong skill for him at school, but it had always seemed a frivolous waste of time for someone whose whole life was dedicated to finding his place in law enforcement some day. 

 

“Hey” a quite voice said from above him and startled Jared tipped his head back, Jensen.

 

“Hi” Jared replied, a frown on his face.

 

“I hope you don’t mind me doing this, but I see you here everyday and I know your books are important to you, and so I erm, boughtyouanotherone” Jared tried to understand what the standing man had said and shook his head briefly. 

 

Jensen sighed he was so dreading saying this “I bought you another one, another notebook, to replace the one I trashed”, he sighed with relief that he had got that out.

 

”You didn’t need to, it was an accident”

 

”No, I did, my friends call it my southern softness, but I hate to not apologise properly” And then as if just realising what he held in his hand he quickly dropped the new book on the table. “Bye” he said and started to walk to the counter for a quick coffee fix and then home.

 

“Texas?” he heard from behind him and turned with a small smile.

 

“Dallas, well Richardson, but yeah, Texas”

 

”San Antonio” Jared offered, almost shyly

 

“Really, I didn’t wanna say but your accent was kinda southern,” Jensen smirked “you a Spurs fan?” he added

 

“Yep, Mavs?”

 

”Yep”

 

“Jeez your team suck at the moment”

 

“Thanks for that”

 

“Coffee?” Jared asked indicating the table “I kinda miss Texas if you can spare ten minutes?”

 

“Sure, how do you like yours?” Jensen asked the simple question. Jared couldn’t get words past his lips, and his breathing had started to become a little erratic. How could something as simple as a question about coffee type cause his heart to stop?

 

“Bl .. black … sugar” he stuttered blushing, hoping Jensen would see it as nervousness and not guilt.

 

When he returned to the table, with coffees, stirrers and sugar he slumped down opposite Jared sighing and stretching tiredly. He held out his hand “Jensen” he said simply. Jared took his hand and shook it briefly, firmly, ignoring the warm skin and the grip.

 

“Nathan” he answered, looking down at the notebooks in front of him.

 

“So, Nathan, normally I would be too polite to ask this but the suspense is killing me, what are the books for? Are you an artist?”

 

“Kinda” Jared started “I’m trying a few things out, pushing my art and my writing and seeing how it goes”

 

“Is that full time or do you work around here somewhere too?”

 

”Full time.” Jared didn’t say anymore.

 

“Cool” was all Jensen could think to say.

 

“What is it you do?” Jared asked innocently, knowing he should ask.

 

“I’m a civil servant, desk job, pencil pusher type thing” Jensen lied smoothly without flinching. Jared winced, knowing Jensen couldn’t tell him otherwise. “So Nathan, how long have you been in Washington?” Jensen asked, changing the subject.

 

“A few weeks” Jared answered

 

“You missing Texas already then?”

 

”Yeah, you?”

 

”Well I left a good few years ago, so I’m kind of used to it now, and I fly down as often as I can to see my family”

 

“Cool” Jared offered, sipping his now cooling coffee and struggling for something to say.

 

”I know where you can get the best Texas cooking in the whole of Washington ...” Jensen suddenly said smiling “... you wanna go … erm … with me sometime?” Jeez, talk about putting yourself out there…

 

Jared didn’t hesitate “Yeah man, I’d love too”

 

“Tonight? I mean no rush but I have the next few days off and … you’re in a new city … and … I can pick you up, seven?”

 

“OK, let me write the address down” and Jared tore out a piece of paper from his book, scribbling the address and handing it to Jensen. 

 

Jensen looked at and then looked back at Jared, “Seven, and … erm … it’s jeans and shit, nothing fancy”

 

“Way to talk a place up man.” Jared pointed out laughing, watching as it was Jensen’s turn to blush, as he stood and almost knocked over the chair.

 

“I’ll see you at seven” Jensen said rushed, and then with a small wave left the shop, his untouched coffee on the table.

 

How can I have forgotten how shy he is?

 

I don't want to forget anything

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was a cliché. It was the kind of thing they show in films, it was the great ‘don’t know what to wear’ moment. Should he go as Jared, should he go as Nathan. Should there, and could there, be any real difference. 

 

He wore pink a lot, Jared liked pink, not in a particularly effeminate way, just liked pink. But he imagined Nathan was a different personality altogether, a dark and brooding artist, so may be he should do the whole dark and brooding act starting with clothes.

 

He laid Nathan out, black jeans, a grey T-shirt and a black button down.

 

He laid Jared out, blue jeans, a white T-shirt and a striped pink and blue button down.

 

He couldn’t decide.

 

He showered, tried taming his hair and instead drew gel-covered hands through it in a careless style of flicks and layers. It had got longer, he hadn’t cut it since Jensen had died, and that seemed like such a long time ago now, and the length of it settled about his face, giving him a place to hide. He supposed it looked a little bohemian and a lot artistic, giving more kudos to the whole Nathan persona.

 

Six forty nine … he didn’t really have time to prevaricate and in a sudden decision he picked up the dark jeans and button down. He needed to remember that he wasn’t Jared, that he was Nathan, Nathan Beckett, Artist.

 

He pulled on his boots and as an afterthought added aftershave and slipped a small pistol into his boot before dropping the jean leg down over it. He gave himself one last critical look in the mirror, even he didn’t recognise Jared Padalecki anymore.

 

The doorbell rang at seven on the dot and grief wrapped a band around his heart when he remembered that Jensen was always on time, it was Jared that was always late.

 

Steeling himself he opened the door, struck by the pure beauty that was Jensen Ackles, and followed him to the car, the same immaculate classic Impala that Jensen had been driving when …

 

“Nice wheels” Jared managed to force out.

 

“You like?”

 

“Yeah what is it, a 68?”

 

”Nah, a 67, but you know your cars?” Jensen asked curiously.

 

”A friend of mine had one, I kinda got used to it” Jared joked as Jensen smiled and patted the roof. 

 

“It was my Dad’s from new, it’s stayed in the family, I just kinda have this connection to it, like it’s home, y’know”

 

“Yeah” Jared paused “I have a teddy, wearing a Texas T-shirt… does that count?”

 

“Lame dude, lame”

 

And that is how the evening went. Jared pretended he didn’t know anything about Jensen, and just sat listening to the soft waterfall of sound that was Jensen’s deep voice as he spoke of siblings, hot summer nights, proms, friends and his beloved car. Jared didn’t say much, which considering how he could normally talk for the Olympics was a very difficult thing to do.

 

“You know Nathan, you don’t say much” Jensen commented just as main courses came out.

 

“I’m an artist, I observe” Jared said quietly, watching as Jensen licked sauce from his fingers and fighting the urge to drag those fingers to his own lips, to taste Jensen, to turn it into a kiss to …

 

“Jeez dude, you sure do some intense observation” Jared blinked realising he was staring and blushed.

 

“Sorry” he mumbled and concentrated on the steak he had ordered, only raising his eyes again after a suitable period of time had passed.

 

Jensen talked of his parents and their shock at not only finding out he was gay but also leaving for Washington in the same conversation, Jared knew the story, knew Jensen's family were loving and supporting and hadn’t blinked an eye at their son's revelations. 

 

“In fact the only thing that my dad was worried about was whether or not the Impala would make it up here.” Jensen smiled, paused, probably waiting for Jared to tell his life story, but he didn’t say anything, just smiled along with Jensen at Jensen’s tales, until they started on basketball and had a heated but good natured discussion on the merits of their favourite teams, finding comfort in shared interests.

 

By the time they had finished their meal and drinks and stopped talking long enough to check the time, it was nearly 11 and they split the bill and left the restaurant climbing back in to the car, not talking. The journey back to Jared’s apartment was smooth and unhurried and when Jensen pulled up in the parking space outside, Jared immediately asked him in for coffee.

 

Jensen hesitated momentarily and then jumped at the chance for more time with this intriguing man, agreeing and turning off the engine, following him up to the second floor, inside the room, and into the kitchen.

 

The stood in companionable silence, waiting for the coffee, leaning against opposite surfaces.

 

“Nathan...” Jensen started softly “…tell me I’m reading this right?” Jared nodded, closing his eyes, digging his hands into the counter and listening as Jensen moved over to stand in front of him.

 

“Jensen…” he said gently opening his eyes and looking directly into the startling green of Jensen’s eyes, so beautiful …

 

“So intense, your eyes are so intense.” Jensen said softly, leaning up and kissing Jared lightly on the lips, his hands resting on his arms. Jared waiting briefly, waiting for time to come crashing down around his ears, waiting to cause a vortex that would take his Jensen away again … but nothing happened. 

 

Jensen ran his hands up Jared’s arms to rest them on his face, soothing with a gentle touch from cheekbones to the lips, moving closer, kissing harder, pulling Jared to him in a fierce close mouthed kiss. Jared peeled his hands away from the work surface, wanting to touch, needing to touch, kissing Jensen as familiar as breathing, opening his mouth to the kisses. 

 

Jensen groaned low in his throat, angling his head, biting and sucking at Jared's lips, soothing with his tongue trying to control the kiss. Jared’s blood heated, his passion rising to the levels they had reached in their long-term relationship and rational thought left him. He switched their places, dragging Jensen up on the work surface, settling himself before his spread legs, pushing his hardness against him, a desperate need to get closer, to taste, to have…

 

Jensen wanted to say something, something coherent but he couldn’t, it was like a storm, unrestrained, hot, and powerful and it was dragging him along in its wake. Nathan possessed every part of him, swept him along, pulled him so close and then lifting him, Jeez lifting him. Carrying him, legs wrapped round the taller mans waist, into the bedroom, dropping him carefully, crawling up him, pinning both of Jensen’s hands with one of his own large brown hands above the older man’s head. 

 

How had Nathan dialled into this kink of being held down so quickly, Jensen didn’t feel scared, he felt wanted, it was just so damned ….

 

Nathan explored with his free hand under the shirt, Jeez they still had their clothes on, but so close, so … close …

 

“I … god … I’m gonna” Jensen tried to speak as he felt himself tip over edge into orgasm, Nathan pushing once, twice against him and groaning into his ear, slumping on him before rolling to one side, breathing heavily, his hands twisted in his hair, a look of desperate remorse on his face.

 

“What the - ” Jensen murmured softly

 

“I’m sorry, I - ”

 

“God, don’t be sorry, that was the most intense … shit … I … can we do that again?” Jared looked at the older man, saw his blissed out face, saw a sense of calm about him and it filtered into his own head.

 

“Can I take my jeans off first?” Jared said smiling.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was exactly two weeks and four days after going back that Jared was waiting for him. At eight in the morning, he stood and waited, a dispassionate look on his face, interested to see what it looked like when someone travelled through.

 

Light coalesced into a haze of sparks and movement and within seconds it was over, the atmosphere tinged with the smell of burning. He watched as the naked man stood facing him, a resigned expression on his face.

 

“They sent you didn’t they,” the man said simply “I’m not going back, they want to shut Terrenus down” he added.

 

“I’m not here to send you back or take you back”.

 

“So … what then?”

 

“I’m here to make sure you live in the past, I am staying as long as I can, I know that you created the original Terrenus and that you will try and build a new Terrenus here. I know what you do will affect time and I am here to stop that. I know an awful lot about you Jem Moore, in fact there isn’t much I don’t know about you”

 

“And you are?”

 

”Nathan, Nathan Beckett, and from today onwards I will know everything there is that you do, until it is too late for you to do anymore”

 

Jem stepped towards him, and into the light from the early morning sun looking up at six four of dark clothed bad boy.

 

Jared looked down at him, focusing his gaze on the man’s face.

 

Stared in to the bluest eyes he had ever seen.


	7. Chapter 7

Jem Moore stood as still as a statue as Jared threw sweats and a T-shirt at the naked man.

 

Jared spoke first, firmly and clearly. “Now listen to me, I want Terrenus to survive as much as you do. I assume you have a plan, a hit list, some idea of how you are gonna survive out of time itself, to keep yourself alive in the past so you don’t kill yourself in the future”

 

“A hit list?” Jem said nervously, zeroing in on just one point the younger man had said, pulling on the sweats, feeling more comfortable not being naked

 

“People who are in your way, people who want to shut you down? People who threaten Terrenus”

 

“Senator Grant is the only one, but he’s not on any hit - ”

 

“Just Grant” Jared interrupted quickly.

 

“Well it’s him that wants to shut Terrenus down” Moore defended quickly. Jared looked at the older man thoughtfully.

 

“We can’t touch him for another two years. But, right at the point he extends the life of the project, that is the moment we take him out” Jared said simply

 

“Take him out?” Jem squeaked, the loss of Grant would mean a hiccup in the programme but maybe this strange man in black was right - a successful test and no Grant to disparage it would mean continuation of the project? His project.

 

“You came through …” Jem started

 

“And I went back, it was successful, the isotope pulled me back, this is my second jump”

 

“It worked? Why are you here, why are you helping?”

 

”I’m not exactly helping you; I just want you to stay alive. Let’s just say I have a vested interest in this whole mess”

 

”I don’t understand?”

 

”I have my own private agenda and you would do best to remember that.” He reached into his pocket drawing out a slim metal case which opened to reveal a small dark screen “I will always know where you are in this time line, Moore” Jared added threateningly, as he touched the screen to reveal a small dot on a map of the Washington cityscape. 

 

At the same time he held up the arm with the isotope site letting his sleeve fall back to reveal the faint blemish. He paused. Letting the other man look from arm to device and back again silently putting two and two together and unconsciously rubbing his own arm at the site of the isotope. “This device will track us both” Jared continued, tossing it to Moore “I have one, you have one, we stay in the city, we let each other know where we are, we live quietly for the next few years. We keep in touch, we do not play with time like it is a toy.”

 

Moore nodded; he just wanted the chance to make this project work outside of the Pentagon, wanted to have the time to iron out the kinks. He was startled as the younger man threw him another package and he looked at it curiously. A plain brown envelope securely fastened with tape.

 

“$50,000 dollars and a new identity, an apartment, deposit paid, make a life.” Jared said simply, and with that he left the older man who was quite clearly in shock and totally petrified of the soldier in black.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared walked five minutes before slumping down just inside an open alleyway, out of sight of commuters and mothers with children on their way to school. He felt dirty and ashamed and quite frankly terrified at the thought of what he had just done. 

 

He had been sent back to deal with Moore, not to keep him alive. 

 

He was supposed to be dealing with identified anomalies in time, not turn a blind eye as they happened. 

 

But the information he had located before his jump, the damning evidence against Grant … Jensen’s death … well …that had to be dealt with, and damn it, this was the only way he knew how. 

 

He just hoped the fractured pieces of this bizarre jigsaw ended up making sense and that Jensen would live, without destroying the precious balance of time in the process.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Nathan and Jensen's second date didn’t even involve Jensen leaving his house; his casual suggestion of a Spurs game at his apartment for beer and pizza received an instant yes from Jared. 

 

Jensen hadn’t stayed the night at Jared’s after their first date, and to be honest, after the flames of passion had died down a bit further to be replaced by exhaustion, Jensen seemed hell bent on leaving. Jared didn’t stop him, just made him promise to call, which sounded a little pathetic to his own ears but which seemed to make Jensen smile.

 

After Jensen had gone, Jared sat for a long time, in the dark, berating himself for pushing it so far on the first date. 

 

On the one hand it was his Jensen; his Jensen that loved to be manhandled, loved Jared being bigger, being in charge, taking care of him. It was his Jensen that loved Jared’s neck, spending hours kissing and marking from the top of his spine round to his pulse. 

 

Jared knew all of this, as a couple they had experimented, pushed things quite far, and Jared needed to remember that actually this was all new to Jensen, to hold back, in case he came over as a sex monster or something equally awful.

 

Don’t push him too far too fast.

 

So now he stood, far too early, beer in hand, waiting at Jensen’s door, his heart thumping in his chest, and his hands visibly trembling with a stifling fear, his mouth dry and his breathing shallow. When the door opened to a very flustered half dressed Jensen, it was enough to make Jared fall in through the door in one great huge embarrassing six four of stumble, caught at the last moment by a quick acting but wet Jensen.

 

Wet. Wet hair, just out of the shower, jeez.

 

“You OK dude…” Jensen asked concerned “… have you been drinking already?”

 

Jared smirked “Nah, just clumsy, have been all my life”

 

“It’s gravity trying to pull you back down” Jensen joked, dropping a quick kiss on Jared’s lips and smoothly taking the beer off of him.

 

“Ha freakin’ ha ...” was Jared’s witty response, which he quickly followed up with a groan as he knocked his knee into the corner of the table trying to remove his boots, which luckily Jensen didn’t hear.

 

“I’ll order pizza” Jensen called from the kitchen “What do you like?”

 

“Anything man, pepperoni, jalapeno, whatever”

 

“Sounds good, make yourself at home, back in a minute”

 

Jared took the offer at face value, wandering around the main room, looking at photos. Photos of Chris and Jack, Jensen in uniform with his NYPD badge, a family group that included a very young Jensen, he had seen all these photos before, laughed at gawky Jen, and had listened to fond memories of Jack that Jensen held dear.

 

“Don’t laugh at my teenage photo’s” Jensen’s voice behind him, handing him a beer as he turned.

 

“I wont, I think you were kind of hot”

 

”Yeah right”

 

”You were a policeman”

 

”Yeah in New York, 6 years man and boy”

 

“And you gave that up to work as a civil servant? That was a big life change” Why am I provoking this discussion?

 

“Well I still work in a line of security, so just using my skills elsewhere”

 

“Ooohh mysterious”

 

“Says the tall dark and handsome artist with no job”

 

They laughed, each having questions they weren’t ready to ask for fear of the answers, and covering it with lots of manly discussion on the upcoming game, and the merits of Canadian beer, which apparently Jensen had taken a liking too when he was at college.

 

The pizza arrived and the game started and they started cheering for opposing sides, just because they could. It was comfortable and normal and felt so right Jared could have cried. 

 

The game segued into some nature programme about Meerkats, quite possibly Jared’s favourite animal, and they sat with beers, shoulder to shoulder as they watched.

 

“This is nice” Jensen said softly, placing his beer on the table and sliding down to rest his head in Jared’s lap, lifting his shirt and placing kisses on Jared’s hard stomach, content to lazily kiss and stroke and explore, his eyes half shut and feeling at peace. “For an artist you certainly keep in shape” he murmured into hot skin, moving his head and biting softly on Jared’s hip bone, sucking a small mark into the soft skin over hard bone. Jared moved slightly, pushing up against the bites, a groan low in his throat.

 

“What you do to me….” Jared whispered low and heated, his hands curling into Jensen’s short hair. Jensen continued to kiss, slowly unbuttoning jeans and kissing closer and closer...

 

Jared remembered how much Jensen enjoyed this, how much he enjoyed giving Jared pleasure and he shifted again, his jeans loose about his thighs as Jensen slipped kisses under the waistband and touched lips and tongue to him. Jared didn’t move his hands, tightened his grip in Jensen’s hair, massaging fingers into his scalp. In a slow steady movement Jensen pushed aside material and took the head of him into his mouth, sucking and rolling his tongue over the tip. Jared couldn’t manage words, lost in the sensation of harder and more but not wanting to frighten his new lover. 

 

He pushed his hips up, his dick sliding further between those fucking gorgeous lips and deep into the tight wet heat of a determined Jensen, who just swallowed more, and tighter, and harder, and his hands, his hands and fingers, wrapped, moving, tight. Jared couldn’t even speak, couldn’t form a coherent sentence to save his life, couldn’t warn Jensen, his orgasm so quick and so certain and he lost in, Jensen pulling back slightly so Jared could see his come sliding in and around that sinfully that hot wet mouth, sensations of lust and need lost in a blinding white heat as he arched and closed his eyes, his hands scrabbling uselessly at Jensen’s arms.

 

“Open your eyes” Jensen demanded, sitting up and across Jared’s lap, holding Jared’s head in his strong grip, marking his face “Open your eyes Nathan” Jared tried, he did, but he was lost to the sensation of hunger that had consumed him. “Nathan, I am not a whore” at this Jared managed to open his eyes, confusion in his own, as he looked into a sea of dark green lost in the depths of anger and frustration he saw there. “I say again, I am not easy; but Jeez, I wanna move this faster, I am so fuckin’ hard, I want you to suck me off, touch me, open me, move me, you are gorgeous, the sounds you make, your hands, I want you to tell me what to do Nathan, tell me what to do” 

 

Jared stared at Jensen, this was fast, he didn’t remember … had his body betrayed him? His thoughts and his words he could hide, but the primal connection he felt to his lover, the words that left his mouth, the hard hold he in Jensen’s hair, was he revealing the intimate knowledge he had of Jensen too fast? Was he turning into Jensen’s ideal lover too fast, too soon?

 

“I … I don’t know Jen … I want to …” Jared stopped, he wanted so much, his body ached to touch Jensen, to be touched by him, but he couldn’t, he had to take this slow, he had to …

 

Jensen whined in frustration, licking a line up Jared’s neck and reaching his mouth, his lips wet with come and open and sucking into Jared’s warmth, exchanging tastes. 

 

Jared could taste himself and feel the warmth and heat of Jensen’s used mouth, his lips swollen and red, and at that moment, he was lost in the hot white lust that he had only ever experienced with the man who was astride his lap. In seconds he stood, Jensen tumbling to the floor wiping at his mouth and looking up at Jared defiance in his face. Jared pulled him up by the hand dragged him bodily to the bedroom and shut the door behind him.

 

“You wan’ me to talk, to tell you” his slow southern drawl an invitation for Jensen to back the hell out now.

 

Jensen just looked at him steady and sure, nodding, his arms by his side, not moving.

 

“Take of your clothes” Jensen started to move, removing items of clothing slowly “this isn’t a striptease, take off your clothes” Jensen stared at Jared, defiance in his eyes, until he stood naked in front of Jared, a very naked Jared, his clothes thrown into an untidy heap on the floor. “Get on the bed, on your back” he said softly, slowly, his voice a deep throated growl. Jensen complied his body flushed with a sheen of sweat, his muscles flexed, his stomach taught. “Hold onto the headboard and don’t move” Jared ordered, climbing onto the bed and spreading Jensen’s legs, settling himself between them. As a last thought, before Jensen complied with holding the bed, he reached into his nightstand for condoms and slick.

 

“Do you think you deserve that” Jared growled low and soft into Jensen’s ear, and for a brief second Jensen’s eyes looked wary, until Jared took everything from Jensen’s hands and said “… lay back, I wont hurt you, I would never hurt you.” Jensen complied, holding tight to the headboard, just waiting. Jared kissed down Jensen from mouth to neck to chest to hips to inner thigh, his hands trailing a hot path after them. Until he paused, slicking fingers and moving them behind Jensen, pushing one, crooking his finger moving, hot and tight around him, pushing another and a third, scissoring, taking his time, his mouth dancing and sucking around Jensen’s hard and weeping length. 

 

Jared knew Jensen wanted to move, could feel the tension in the older mans thighs, and he held him down using a combination of his free hand digging in to his thigh and his own body weight, curling his arm around Jensen’s bent leg, imprisoning him, hearing the sounds coming from Jensen’s mouth, the groans, the words, incoherent sentences and noise, as he pushed hard and searching for the bundle of nerve ends he knew would send his lover over the edge. 

 

He heard Jen say something, knew he was being warned, didn’t move his mouth, swallowed and sucked and pulled, moving his fingers over the nerve ends, triumphant as Jensen lost it, pushing down into the bed, a strangled gasp from those sinful lips. Removing his fingers Jared kiss-bit-climbed up Jensen’s body, finally sinking into those lips, sharing the taste, running slick-slippery fingers into Jensen’s hair, stopping himself from telling him he loved him. 

 

Not giving himself away, just tenderly touching each freckle on Jensen’s face and rolling to one side, gathering the man to him and holding him tight.

 

He had never known grief or pain as acute as the love he felt for this man.

 

He knew he would never again feel this way, about any other person.

 

He had to make this last ... just in case.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The first signs of movement happened at least six months into Jared’s trip back. 

 

All had been quiet with Jem Moore. Jared had taken a few late night visits to the ground floor apartment with its unusual layout that included a concrete walled windowless sub-basement. Jem said nothing, just let Jared in, and guided him downstairs, muttering nonsense ranging from isotopes to blood tests. 

 

This particular night though, Jared had issues he needed to address.

 

“You moved, you went outside Washington” he said simply, stroking the gun in his hand with his thumb, his face half in darkness.

 

“I … I needed to get … isotope … from the hospital”

 

”... and you didn’t want to crap on your own doorstep”

 

”Yes, I mean no, no I didn’t.” Like a pleased puppy Jem perked up at Jared’s instant understanding of why he had left Washington. “I’m not stupid” he added, nodding.

 

Jared shifted the grip on the gun to his other hand and leaned casually against the wall.

 

“We had a deal Moore” he said softly. Jem visibly shrank back, uncertain of Jared’s tone.

 

“I haven’t - ”

 

“You left Washington without telling me”

 

”I didn’t realise that I had to - ”

 

“Don’t fuck with me, there is too much at stake here, you stay in Washington, you certainly don’t go raiding hospitals, you need something, you call me and I’ll take care of it, do you understand”

 

“I can take - ”

 

Jared moved forward out of the shadows by the doorway. “I want you to live Moore, I need you to live, but not at the expense of you fucking up time in any way. You get busted, arrested, in trouble in any way … and I will not hesitate to shoot you dead, I will stop your place in time within seconds. Do you understand?”

 

Jem just stood, fear clouding his blue eyes at the venom and absolute certainty in Jareds voice. Still he pushed it one last time … “But you - ”

 

“Do. You. Understand?” Jared clearly enunciated each line.

 

“I understand”

 

“Good” and he left, no more words, no pleasantries and the promise of death leaving with him.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Half way back to his apartment his cell phone rang, Jensen. 

 

The phone call he had been expecting, ever since he had stopped himself from telling Jensen anything this morning

 

Ever since he had stopped himself from warning Jensen to watch out for his colleagues today.

 

Ever since, with an ache the size of Texas in his heart, he had sent his lover to work knowing he would watch a friend die in his arms.

 

“Jack’s dead, Jeez Nathan, I killed Jack”


	8. Chapter 8

_Time ..._

_A predestination paradox ... a paradox of time travel ... exists when a time traveler is caught in a loop of events that "predestines" him or her to travel back in time. Because of the possibility of influencing the past while time traveling, one way of explaining why history does not change is by saying that whatever has happened was meant to happen._

_A time traveller attempting to alter the past in this model, intentionally or not, would only be fulfilling his role in creating history as we know it, not changing it. Effectively, it means this: the time traveller is in the past, which means he/she was in the past before. Therefore, his/her presence is vital to the future, and he/she does something that causes the future to happen the way it happened._

_A number of possible ways of avoiding the paradox have been proposed, such as the idea that the timeline is fixed and unchangeable, or the idea that the time traveler will end up in a parallel timeline, while the timeline in which the traveler was born remains independent._

_According to this hypothesis, the only possible timelines are those which are entirely self-consistent, so that anything a time traveler does in the past must have been part of history all along, and the time traveler can never do anything to prevent the trip back in time from being made since this would represent an inconsistency. In laymen's terms, this is often called destiny, and it is sometimes unpopular because it contradicts the "common sense" notion that people choose their own fates._

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

When Jared reached Jensen’s apartment he waited outside for a good five minutes composing himself. 

 

He could have warned Jensen this morning that there would be an attack on the President today, he could have warned him that Jack was going to get hurt, was going to die. He didn’t.

 

He didn’t want to mess with time, no, he couldn’t mess with time.

 

If Jack had lived, then time would have taken a dramatic turn, it was inevitable. A man’s death is not the gentle flap of a butterfly’s wings, it is the end of things.

 

It didn’t matter how much research Jared did into the theories of time travel, it blew Jared’s mind every time, to consider the possibilities of what would or could happen if he had warned Jensen.

 

It was a burn in his gut that he was here, loving Jensen, creating an alternative time line, if only for two years by simply being with him. How could he even think of playing God, deciding who lived and who died? The grief that curled around his heart was real and gripping and left him close to breaking down in tears of self-hatred and sorrow. 

 

In his timeline, before he went back, Jack had been a friend, a mentor, and a father figure in their small band of protectors. He had a wife, three children ... how could Jared not intervene, how can he stand by and watch a good man die?

 

It was obvious. Jared knew he was blinded by love, only seeing the good things that can come from helping Jensen to live past that fateful night on their anniversary.

 

It was selfish, it was wrong, it was the worst decision he had ever made. 

 

It was real, it was right, it was predestined, it was the best decision he had ever made.

 

The door opened, and a quiet Jensen answered the door

 

“Nathan” he said brokenly, a man moved from behind him, Chris. Chris who looked at Nathan with a dead look in his expressive eyes, grief clouding them. He looked past Jared, looked into the hallway and looked back at Jensen, a question on his lips.

 

“My boyfriend, Nathan” was all Jensen said, as Jared moved to one side letting Chris pass, wanting to touch him, reassure him, tell him it was going to be OK, but he didn’t know him here, had never really been introduced apart from smiles in the coffee shop.

 

“Jensen, think about what I said man” Chris said softly and then left.

 

“Come in” Jensen said softly and Jared followed his lover into his apartment, pulling the door closed behind him and catching him, gripping his shirt, pulling him to stop.

 

“Jensen, talk to me.” Jensen stopped, his head bowed, his hand reaching blindly to touch Jared.

 

“Jack is dead, there was an attempt on the President, he was in the way, I don’t know what happened, it’s a blur, they say I shot him, that it was my bullet that hit him”

 

Jared was torn, he needed to keep up the act, but he wanted to tell Jensen the future, wanted to explain that Jensen would be exonerated when the ballistics report was issued, that it wasn’t his gun, that it would be OK. He couldn’t.

 

“Guns Jen” he said instead “The president?” this act he could do, after all he had had months to practise it.

 

Jensen shook his head slowly, still not facing Jared, still with his eyes shut, his face screwed with concentration. “Coffee” he announced and shrugged off Jared’s hold to cross to the kitchen, Jared followed, leaning against the counter, taking the coffee as it was handed to him and sitting at the table opposite his lover. He said nothing, did nothing, just waited.

 

“So, I’ve got quite a lot to tell you …” Jensen started lifting his head to stare at Jared with suspiciously bright green eyes “… please don’t freak out on me”

 

“I wont Jen, I wont, what is it?” Jared aimed for supportive and interested

 

“I do work in security, and I am kind of a civil servant ... but I’m actually in the secret service and I work as part of the Presidential detail” silence

 

“Hence the trips away that coincide with his visits abroad”

 

“Uhm, yeah”

 

”I kinda noticed Jen”

 

“Oh”

 

”And the gun?”

 

”The gun” Jensen swallowed

 

”The gun that I don’t know about, that you lock away in your bedroom, that you have on you when you leave for work and these business trips”

 

”That gun”

 

”I’m from Texas, I know my guns.” Jared smiled sadly, if anything Jensen looked worse, probably imagining the secret he had so desperately tried to keep had been public knowledge to his lover in the six months they had been together. “Jen, I’m observant, I virtually live with you, don’t worry, it was never an issue that you had a secret, we all have those”

 

“OK” Jensen seemed relieved

 

“Tell me what happened today”

 

“I don’t know, I mean, they debriefed us, but I don’t know what happened, it was just a routine school visit, nothing out of the ordinary. We heard the shot, saw the men closest to the President pull him down, I was on the outer perimeter, like on the edge of it all … Chris and Jack … Jack … he ran towards the back wall, had seen something … Chris and I … we turned and ran with him … the President was OK … he was down … but our first duty then was to find … get the …Chris … Chris was closer, he fired off a few rounds … I only fired one … the guy was dead before he hit the ground … but Jack … Jack had been … caught in the crossfire … I don’t know … the trajectory … it was clean through … his heart … he …” Jensen stopped, cradling the cooling coffee in his hands “he has children, you know … and a wife … twenty years … his eldest is in college … did I shoot him … Nathan … they don’t know … they need to do reports … they took my gun”

 

”Jensen …” Jared took the coffee from him and led him to the sofa. He sat them down pulling Jensen down to lay his head on his lap and carding his large hands through spiky dark blonde hair, gently massaging Jensen’s scalp. “…I assume they will look at the reports and let you know, sooner rather than later” Jensen whispered something Jared couldn’t quite make out. “What did Chris say?”

 

“He said it wasn’t me, he said I needed to see that”

 

”He is right, I am sure he is right”

 

_I know he is right, ballistics will show it was the assassin’s gun that killed Jack._

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

He visited Jem Moore the day after; he wanted to check in on the scientist and what he was up to. He did this sometimes three or four times a week at different times, just to keep him on his toes. 

 

They didn’t usually talk; Jared generally just watched the man working and calculating and drawing diagrams. He looked more and more dishevelled each time Jared visited, looking like a mad scientist on an off day. Today Jared had questions he needed answers to, a gap in his research.

 

“Explain to me how the isotope labelling works” how does it track us, how can I stop it?

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen received the news that he had been exonerated with the shooting of Jack and he got together the courage to visit Jacks wife, meeting with her less than 48 hours after her husband had died. He wanted Nathan with him, but that was part of a much larger problem, he needed Nathan with him like he needed oxygen to breathe.

 

“I’m so sorry.” Jensen said simply, what else could he say?

 

“Jensen, he spoke of you often” she offered with a small sad smile.

 

“He spoke of you too, his family was everything to him.”

 

They sat in silence, not awkward, each lost in their own thoughts.

 

“Will you be a pallbearer for his coffin?” she asked

 

“The military - ”

 

“No, I want you, and Chris, and Jacks’ sons, our sons, he would have wanted that too, his family…”

 

“Of course I will, you don’t have to ask” She grasped his hand at his genuine words, a depth of feeling in them that gave her a certain strength.

 

“Thank you Jensen”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared attended the funeral, watched as the snake of cars approached the cemetery, watched Jensen, pale with grief but stoic and strong standing with Chris, both in funerial black, and Jack’s two sons, waiting to help their father on his final journey.

 

Jared couldn’t stop his own grief, couldn’t stop the emotion that welled up inside of him, had to walk away with the memories he had from his own time, memories from the coffee shop, of practical jokes, of the intensely private and dedicated family man that Jack had been. Jack had been his friend, Jared had been a pallbearer in his timeline, had stood where Jensen and Chris were now.

 

The grief escaped into tears and he moved back from the main group, his head spinning.

 

Who am I to decide who lives and who dies?

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They came together that night, desperate for affection and closeness, the routines they had fallen into a welcome comfort. They cooked together and sat next to each other on the sofa, just holding hands and leaning against each other, Jensen lost in his emotions, allowing himself one night to remember Jack. Jared lost in memories of the day Jack had been buried in his time, remembering that he had been alone that night and he assumed Jensen had been alone as well. 

 

He could finally thank his own stupidity for them being together tonight, this whole mess that he was creating / avoiding, had at least given them each other in their grief.

 

“Nathan” Jensen said softly, entwining his fingers closer with Jared’s, “that was a really hard day”

 

”The hardest” Jared agreed turning and dropping a small kiss on Jensen’s head.

 

“His poor wife, his kids, I’ve never lost anyone I loved, not really.” Jared stayed quiet, he should say, neither have I, he should reassure Jensen that loss was something nebulous that they had yet to encounter.

 

But what he actually said was “I have”, why he said it he didn’t know, why he would even think of opening himself up to Jensen in this way? 

 

It was either incredibly stupid or incredibly wise. 

 

Either what Jensen would never want to hear, or exactly what he needed.

 

“Who did you lose?” The million dollar question

 

“My boyfriend” Jared began softly

 

“Your boyfriend? When was this?”

 

“In a different lifetime Jen.

 

“How did he die?”

 

“He was shot”

 

“God, I’m sorry Nathan … were you together a long time?”

 

”A year. Exactly a year; it was our anniversary, we were meeting for dinner. I was late”

 

“Did you see it happen?”

 

”No, saw him fall, saw the man run, he was dead before I reached him”

 

“Shit, were you … did you … I mean did he mean a lot to you”

 

“He was the other half of me…” Jared said softly, placing a finger under Jensen’s chin and tilting his face to him “… but you … you consume me, I don’t know where I start and where you begin.” Jensen’s eyes brightened with tears, today was just too much. “I love you Jensen Ackles”

 

”I love you too Nathan Beckett”

 

And how much that hurt, just those few words, a different man, not Jared but dark and dangerous Nathan Beckett, the man who needed to die, the man that Jensen loved.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The morning of the mugging Jared woke up wrapped in Jensen’s arms not wanting to move, knowing he had to face his destiny. 

 

This predestined stuff was shit really.

 

He paced at Jensen’s until 10:54, he had 6 minutes to reach the alley, he couldn’t be too early.

 

In his real time as he liked to think of it, the two men pulled a gun on the woman before he could reach her side, so in this time, he allowed them to monologue and try to scare the woman, as they had done the first time he had come across them. 

 

The first time he had happened across the mugging totally unarmed on his way back from coffee. He had only just reached the women in time, not been standing around waiting for the mugging to happen and that is how it would have to play today.

 

He made his move … made himself known.

 

“Hello guys, let’s drop the guns and let the lady go now,” he said, reading from his internal script.

 

The first man looked at Jared, his eyes glazed with drugs, a combination of heroin and whiskey Jared was to find out later. He watched the man raise his own weapon, point it at the woman’s head.

 

“No” he said his voice slurred and dangerous. “You’s not in position ta tell us…” he added and pushed the gun harder at the crying woman’s temple.

 

“Please just let the lady go” Jared said deceptively softly, balancing his weight on the balls of his feet, calculating distance and time and feeling the energy coiling inside him.

 

The man with the gun laughed, a little hysterically, moving the gun slightly and that movement was Jared’s pointer to move.

 

With a clean economy of movement he kicked the gun out of the first man’s hands, aiming another kick at his throat and knocking him to the floor gasping for air, he sensed the second man behind him, turned to deal, knowing what was going to happen, saw the knife, fought against doing anything about it, letting his defences drop and watching as if in slow motion the knife slid into his body with drug fuelled precision.

 

Grasping the blade he pulled it out from between vertebrae, knowing this was all OK, this was right, watching, his vision blurring, as the second man ran.

 

“Call 911” Jared breathed, blood running freely down his side, falling to his knees in the alley amongst the detritus of human life, the dirt, the filth, the rubbish, hoping it was going to work and losing consciousness within minutes, his life pooling around his still form in a ever widening crimson river of blood.

 

"He's not moving, he's not ... help me ... i don't know ... near the coffee shop ... please there's blood everywhere ... i think he's dead ... help me."


	9. Chapter 9

_My name is Grant, James Grant and I want to thank you for what you did, for my daughter. You saved her life and if there is anything I can do for you … anything … you only have to ask_

_Senator Grant, you’re needed in your daughter’s room … complications with the baby sir …_

_Mr Beckett … Nathan … can you hear me_

_Jeez Chris, this is like dying myself, what happens if this doesn’t work, what happens if he dies?_

_I fixed you some leave Jen, OK? So get him out of here when he wakes up and get him home_

_Nathan … come on Beckett, open your eyes_

_Nathan, open your eyes ... damn it man_

_Nathan_

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was the slowest, but most precious two weeks of Jared’s entire life.

 

Back at home, with Jensen, just the two of them. 

 

OK so maybe it would be more comfortable to not be in quite so much pain, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Grant’s daughter was alive; her baby fine, and the internal damage from the knife wound had been stitched and medicated to the extremes. It seemed Senator Grant’s name was worth something at County General, private room and top class food, if only Jared had been conscious enough to realise it. The daughter didn’t want publicity, the senator didn’t want publicity, Jared was happy with both, had known it would be that way as it had been the first time he had experienced the mugging.

 

This time however, it wasn’t Jensen the friend who took him home, it was Jensen the lover taking him back to his own home.

 

Jensen fussed and worried and Jared endured, every so often going deathly quiet as Jensen tried to do something like picking up after him or trying to feed him. Jensen was wise enough to know when he was pushing the mother hen act too far, but jeez, he was determined to see how far he could push it.

 

Like tonight for example, grumpy Jared wanted a shower, and Jensen agreed it was a good idea, removing bandages and generally fussing, thanking god and the heavens that he had a large walk in shower big enough for two six foot plus men.

 

“I can shower on my own” Jared bit out, “I’ve been doing it for some years”

 

“Humour me.” Was all Jensen said, crowding Jared in to the shower as naked as the day he was born, Jensen quickly following, stripping as he stepped in.

 

“Two whole weeks without being inside you.” Jared groaned. “This is killing me”

 

“Lets get you clean …” Jensen started “… and then Nathan Beckett …” Jensen moved closer under the water, his hands slick with shampoo, massaging the length of Jared’s hair, watching as bubbles slid down his hard body and then covering his hands in shower gel “… I’m gonna make you lay back on the bed, all quiet like and then ride you till you can't think anymore …”

 

His hands continued to massage gel into the younger man’s body, into his taut back, his muscles, avoiding the pink scar of the injury, hands moving closer down, skirting his groin, massaging thighs and down long legs, kneeling at his lovers feet, the water beading and carding through his hair, his eyelashes spiky, looking up at six four of heavily breathing man.

 

“First though” he mused, running his fingers back up to his lover’s hardening dick “I’m gonna have to see if everything is in working order.” He poured slick shower gel into his hand, moving his hands to hold on tight, gently feeling for the dip between his lover's ass cheeks, pushing in a finger, two, just to the first knuckle. Just enough to push in as he kissed, licked and sucked a strip from base to tip of Jared, the warm shower water slicking and making it so damned erotic. He felt Nathan lean back against the wall, heard his moan, he pulled off.

 

“Am I hurting you?”

 

“No, damn, no …”

 

Jensen resumed what he was doing, feeling the snap of hips as he took more and more into his mouth, rolling his tongue, sucking hard, pushing fingers further as the tall man pushed himself down on then and then forward into Jensen’s mouth. Nathan had never bottomed for Jensen, but shit, he didn’t seem to mind the intimate exploration now, as with a final thrust of heavy hips he was coming down Jensen’s throat, shouting his release into the mist of the bathroom. 

 

He slumped against the wall, Jensen standing and leaning in to kiss lips that were parted drawing air into sore lungs. Reaching round he turned off the water and helped his languid lover out of the shower, wrapping him in the biggest towel he had and encouraging him into the bedroom. He still seemed kind of dazed as Jensen lowered him on the bed; tonight it was Nathan’s turn to be looked after.

 

He stroked him gently with the towel, from hair to toes, stopping and kissing all parts he dried, enjoying the little sounds his lover was making in his throat. He paused a long time on the area that was pink and puckered and still had stitches stark against the white skin, kissing gently, murmuring nonsense against his lover’s skin words like beautiful and hot and soft and hard.

 

Talking of hard, Jensen noticed Nathan was certainly up for round two and he concentrated on running his mouth and hands, slicking his fingers and sliding a firm hand from base to tip until his partner was so hard and the body he was worshipping with hands and mouth was tense with expectation.

 

“Nathan, wait, watch” he said softly, sitting back and using slick fingers to open himself up, one finger at a time, arching his back as he started to move on those fingers, Jared watched with hooded eyes, a flush high on his cheeks, his hands in tense fists at his sides, knowing not to touch, studying, learning Jensen’s face, Jensen’s teeth biting at his lower lip his head thrown back in pleasure.

 

“Jensen - ” he reached to touch

 

“No Nathan, just watch … no touching” It was tormenting, until at last Jensen straddled Jared, his body covered in a fine sheen of sweat, angling himself, guiding Jared to the back and easing himself down, rocking softly until Jared was fully inside. It was soft, it was slow, it was gentle movement, it was the most intense orgasm Jared had ever experienced, and as Jensen lost it hot and wet over Jared’s stomach he breathed Nathan’s name and somehow it felt right.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared, or rather Nathan plus one, was invited to the christening of one Annalisa Amelia Eleanor Britney Grant. When the invite came the two fully-grown men just broke down in tears of laughter. Britney. The Senator had written a personal note on the bottom of the invite … Nathan, she wouldn’t be here without you, now I owe for two lives, please say you will come, sincerely JG …

 

“I don’t like Senator Grant” Jensen said moodily, trying for the fifth time to get his hair to stay up in it’s usual spikes, peering at the tube in his hand suspiciously. “Jeez Nathan, this is your pansy ass wimpy flicky gel, where the hell is my - ”

 

“Manly nuclear strength gel?” Jared suggested throwing the tube of gel at Jensen and laughing when it bounced off his chest. “So why don’t you like Grant? Seems OK to me”

 

”Too many fingers, in too many pies. I’ve heard stuff, one of the perks of guarding the big P is overhearing stuff and I know for a fact he doesn’t like Grant, or the crap he’s trying to push through at the Pentagon”

 

“Like what”

 

“He’s trying to close down special projects, has a whole list of ‘em, he’s working his way down. Problem is, some of the projects are under the auspices of the President himself and you do not piss the President off the year after an election, when he is at his strongest”

 

“But why do you personally dislike the man?”

 

”I dunno…” Jensen shrugged, frowning into the mirror, “I just got this feeling … y’know the guy just creeps me out and all”

 

“His daughter was nice”

 

”She had to be nice to you, you saved her life”

 

“No, seriously I liked her”

 

”Jeez dude, you’re gay, you crushing on the Senators daughter”

 

”The married senators daughter, and unless she turns into you overnight, then she doesn’t stand a chance.” Jared snorted, laughing at his own joke, Jensen just lifted his eyebrows and looked at him in that patented Jensen yeah right kind of way.

 

“You finished?” Jared asked, straightening his tie, and with a nod of his head they picked up the christening gift and left the apartment.

 

“Nathan, you look so fucking good in a suit” Jensen commented as they climbed into Jensen’s 4x4

 

“Back at ya man, back at ya”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The christening was held in the garden at the Senators huge house on the outskirts of Washington, a beautiful and old style rambling house, with manicured lawns and acres of land spreading away from the house. It was just what Jared had expected and actually had been used to, visiting in his time protecting the President in his real life. Used to the ostentatious displays of wealth it didn’t phase him.

 

“Nathan, Nathan Beckett” The senator, striding towards him, a petite woman at his side, “Nathan, this is my wife, Brit” he pushed the smaller woman forward and she extended her hand

 

“A pleasure ma’am” Jared said softly

 

“The pleasure is all mine” she said softly and pulling him by the hand pulled him into a hug with an extraordinary amount of strength for so small a woman. “We owe you everything” she said in a lilting voice “don’t we James”

 

“We do, and I have said, anything I can ever do … but he wont say”

 

“I’m still thinking Senator” Jared smiled, he reached behind him to pull a reluctant Jensen forward “This is my partner, Jensen Ackles” Jensen held out his hand and the Senator shook it briefly, looking at Jensen and frowning. Jensen knew the Senator had seen him before, but always with the President as one of the nameless faceless few, Jensen wasn’t going to give out clues.

 

“A pleasure to meet you, sir”

 

”You must be proud of your young man.” The senator’s wife piped up

 

“Of course, ma’am, who wouldn’t be”

 

“Nathan, we must talk one day, please phone my office at some time” the senator instructed.

 

“Of course sir”

 

The Senator plus wife plus small entourage left them then standing under an arbour of vines twisted on a white painted arch.

 

“Shit Nathan”

 

”What?”

 

”What the hell does he want to talk to you about”

 

”No idea dude, maybe he wants one of my paintings” Jared sniggered, and Jensen just looked over at him exasperated. Jared grabbed at his boyfriend’s hand pulling him towards food “I’m hungry, let’s eat”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was May 5th 2007 when Jared finally visited the senator

 

“Have a seat Nathan, what can I do for you young man”

 

“I need your help with something sir, but I am afraid it may seem like a very strange request”

 

“I have heard some very strange requests in my time”

 

“This may beat them all”

 

"Carry on....."


	10. Chapter 10

“I need to know that this will go no further“

 

“You saved my daughter’s life; I can promise on her life and the life of my granddaughter that this will go no further“

 

“I can’t explain exactly why I need you to do this but it has to do with your work at the Pentagon“

 

“Go on“

 

“You have a project, Terrenus”

 

Grant looked shocked. “How do you know about Terrenus?”

 

“I want you to extend the project for six months… I know it is slated for termination.”

 

“When I said I would do something for you – that did not include compromising national security in any way.” Grant stood, agitated and tense.

 

“Believe me when I say there is no chance of that happening sir.”

 

“I can’t believe you are asking me this, it’s not exactly what I expected”

 

“I can understand that, it may seem like a strange thing for an artist to ask for”

 

“What exactly is the connection that an artist could have to a Pentagon project?” Grant had sat back down, something about Nathan inspired trust, he wasn’t sure what it was, but he imagined it was a lot to do with his daughter.

 

“Like I said sir I can’t explain it, I just need you to know it is vital to your future”

 

“Are you threatening me Nathan?” Grant wasn’t angry just stating facts

 

“No sir, not at all, it is not a threat, more of a prediction.” How much more honest could Jared get?

 

“I will look at Terrenus again, that I can promise you, but the decision I make will be mine and mine alone.”

 

“I would expect nothing else Senator.”

 

Grant shuffled some papers; his face creased with a frown, until a small smile quirked his mouth. “With that over would you like to see some photos of the little one?” he said softly

 

“I would love to sir, I would love too.” And Jared genuinely meant it.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was the second week of July, only two months now until the 3rd September, the night when Jensen dies, and the tension inside Jared was eating away at him. His moods were swinging dangerously and he had to make sure none of them spilt out and damaged the last few weeks Nathan had with Jensen.

 

Jared spent a lot of the time he was away from Jensen with Jem Moore and the machine. He sat with him, researching the isotope, making notes, drawing diagrams, checking everything twenty times, he couldn’t afford for anything to go wrong. He also found he was actually feeling a small amount of affection for the quirky scientist, which was so not the plan and kind of scary.

 

Jensen never ask where he went, Jared assumed that his lover thought he was off doing artisty type stuff and didn’t dissuade him from this, just made sure he was at home when Jensen was.

 

Their relationship had never faltered; they had slipped into a routine that was almost like a marriage, comfortable and safe, but with an added portion of dangerous. Chris was often spending time with them and it was so difficult for Jared not to just blurt out save Jensen, don’t let him get shot but he couldn’t, he knew he couldn’t, he had done the research, he couldn’t change his own past, couldn’t be responsible for the consequences.

 

“Nathan…” Jared looked up, his eyes unfocused, blinking at Jensen “…can we go to bed now?” 

 

Jared smiled. “S’only 10 dude, you getting old”

 

“Nuh huh, horny” Jensen extended his hand, pulled Jared to his feet and drawing him into the bedroom smirking.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It wasn’t deliberate, he wasn’t looking, in fact it was like a bad plot device when he knocked Nathan’s books to the ground and caught sight of his own name. He was actually looking for his cell phone and it didn’t even register what he was reading until he realised he was re-reading notes on time travel and the President.

 

What the fuck.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It didn’t register at first when his name broke through his sleep and pulled him into wakefulness.

 

“Jared … Jared” his name, just spoken softly in Jensen’s voice, his name, his name. Cautiously he opened his eyes, rolling to the sound of the voice, to be stopped by what … handcuffs on his wrists …the room was still dark, lit only by the hall light, and he waited a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. Jensen sat next to him on a chair, leaning forward his elbows on his knees, a gun dangling loosely from his right hand.

 

“Jared Tristan Padalecki ..” Jensen almost chanted, his green eyes unfathomable in the darkened room.

 

“Jensen - ”

 

“Why don’t you just start from the beginning and then I’ll decide what to do”

 

“Jensen let me go” Jared pulled at the handcuffs, they was secure

 

“Is Jared your real name?” Jensen asked slowly, just there seemed to be a good place to start.

 

“Jensen, you have to let me go”

 

”I don’t have to do anything, except let people know that there is a plot to assassinate the President and my lover is the potential instrument of his death”

 

Frustrated Jared pulled on the handcuffs again “No, you don’t understand, there is a reason why - ”

 

“I want to understand Jared, I really do, I want to look you in the eye and understand why you turned traitor before I execute you myself.” There was no emotion in Jensen’s voice, just a calm and quiet acceptance.

 

“No, Jensen, this is wrong …I can’t tell you … you have to trust me” There was no pleading, no begging, Jensen felt a little disappointed, perversely hoping for more sport before he paid the price for serving his country, by killing the man he loved.

 

“Trust? You can’t tell me?” Jensen lifted the gun up and held it firmly, pulling back the safety and directing it at Jared’s heart “I wont hesitate Jared, Nathan, whatever your name is”

 

”Jared, my name is Jared”

 

“What are you? Some kind of agent for what? Industry? Oil Companies? Agriculture groups? Why could you possibly want to kill the President”

 

“I don’t, I don’t want to kill the President”

 

Jensen tipped the gun up slightly, the trajectory for a bullet to reach between his lover’s beautiful but treacherous hazel eyes.

 

“Now how about we start from the beginning”

 

“I don’t want to kill the President, I want to save him, it’s my job to save him, I’m as much his protector as you are” Jensen raised his eyebrows disbelievingly, but waved the gun to encourage Jared to carry on. 

 

“The thing is Jen, I am also a protector of time … I’m part of a program called Terrenus … it’s one of the President’s pet projects … a … for want of a better word … time travel experiment.”

 

“An experiment” the gun didn’t move and the look of distrust and puzzlement on Jensen’s face was overwhelming.

 

“An experiment. Allowing people to move in time. Only it all went wrong, the creator Jem Moore … he heard the program was being shut down … and he used the machine to go back in time far enough to work on the experiment uninterrupted … you’re supposed to go back to your own timeline after a fixed time … an isotopic implant is placed in you and you are pulled back to the time you left. Only Jem never came back”

 

“Assuming I believe this crap you are trying to sell me, I have questions”

 

“I know you do”

 

”He never went back to his own time … where is he now?”

 

“He’s nowhere … he’s … shit Jensen, let me out of these cuffs” Jared rattled the cuffs in frustration but Jensen just looked at him with steady eyes, blank eyes, and a hard no compromise face. Jared sighed “If you go back and the isotope doesn’t work then you don’t have a place in time OK? So you are nowhere … just gone”

 

“You?”

 

“What?”

 

”Who are you Jared?”

 

“Jensen, I’m just a man who loves you, who loved you, who will always love you…” Jared said sadly “I don’t know what else to say”

 

“Are you a traveller in time as well?”

 

”Jensen”

 

”Just answer me” The gun still hadn’t wavered

 

“Yes, OK, yes, I am”

 

“What time do you say you have come from” Jensen asked in a very low voice

 

“2008” Jensen looked at him, paused, breathing gently, the gun never moving, his normally expressive green eyes dead.

 

“This is bullshit, I don’t know what the fuck you are trying to pull here, but this time travel crap … are you some sort of mental patient or something?”

 

“Jen - ”

 

“Is the president in danger”

 

”Yes, yes he is, and if you let me go I can show you…”

 

“What? Show me what? Your time travel pod?” Jensen spat out, his temper starting to build “… forgive me if I think that you have lost it”

 

“Jensen” Jared was pleading, how could they have been together for the last year and more and Jensen not see that Jared, or Nathan, was far from stupid.

 

“Enough” Jensen commanded, flipping open his cell and thumbing to a contact, connecting and holding the phone to his ear. Jared watched in horror, how could he get Jensen to listen, fuck this is so wrong, this was not the plan.

 

“We have a situation…” Jensen said into the phone. Who had he phoned? Shit. “… get here, don’t say anything, just get here now” and with this he ended the call.

 

“Jensen, who is coming, we cant let this get out, we have to protect the timeline”

 

”Bull Shit” Jensen ground out and left the room, closing the door behind him.

 

Frustration built inside Jared, fucking tied down to Jensen’s bed, the sheets still evidenced with their earlier lovemaking, this was getting out of hand.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris arrived within ten minutes of the call, he hadn’t questioned the missive to come to Jensen’s apartment, but that didn’t stop him wanting to know what the hell was going on. They didn’t exchange pleasantries Chris following Jensen straight to his bedroom, he didn’t say a word when he saw Jared imprisoned on the bed, like it was the kind of thing he saw everyday, the only sign he thought anything was a slight quirk of his eyebrow. He leaned over to unlock Jared, pulling him to his feet and refastening the cuffs together so his hands were behind his back, not at all concerned that Jared would fight back, given that Jensen still had a gun pointed at the tall man.

 

“So, someone explain” Chris said softly.

 

“Jared Padalecki, not Nathan Beckett…” Chris didn’t say anything, to his credit he let Jensen talk “So Jared has a plan for assassination here, and has been using me for the last year and a half”

 

“Jen - ” Jared’s plea was cut off as Chris’s hard fist connected with his stomach and the air literally left Jared’s lungs in one go, it wasn’t enough to send him to his knees, but the second punch and the third, the fourth and the fifth, with no way of defending himself, added to the kicks when he was down meant he stayed down, hunched by the bed, blood trickling from his mouth, Chris’s gun now in his face also. 

 

Jensen watched dispassionately, the agent not the lover, not stepping forward to join in until Jared was down and staying down.

 

Carefully he crouched in front of his dazed lover, digging a hand brutally into long hair, twisting hard and forcing Jared’s head up to look at him.

 

“So Jared, let’s start this again”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris stood in front of the coffee pot, his back to Jensen. They had long since left an unconscious and badly beaten Jared locked to the bed again and were now standing in Jensen’s kitchen, talking, going over the facts bit by bit, debating who to pass this onto next. Jensen ached from head to toe, physically bruised from hurting Jared, from trying to make him talk, mentally bruised from his violated headspace.

 

“I don’t know what we do next” Chris said softly “Whoever he is, he believes what he is saying, what we did would have made most men talk”

 

”And I say again, I know him, he is strong, he had stuff he knew that he didn’t say, I could see that”

 

“So, we take him in, take in the books, the evidence, his words, and we turn the whole lot over to the DoD and let them deal with it” Chris threw the suggestion out there, turning to face Jensen, catching the raw grief in his eyes, quickly masked with indifference.

 

“OK” Jensen agreed in a small voice. It was that single word that pushed Chris over the edge and within seconds he was there in Jensen’s face.

 

“Bull. Shit” he said forcefully and Jensen’s eyes widened “You were with this guy for what, 20 months? You know him inside and out, not the crap, not the books, not what he says, you know him. You really wanna turn him over to security? Never see him again, never work out if all this crap he is coming out with may have truth in it? You wanna let them get it out of him, destroy him, put him away, kill him?” Angry tears built in Jensen’s eyes and he pushed back at Chris.

 

“I loved him Chris, I don’t understand any of this, but my oath is to the President, to my country and I have to look at the big picture”

 

“No. No you don’t, not this time, you need to deal with this, work with him, give him 48 hours, anything, but don’t give up on finding his truth and seeing if it maps with yours. Consider yourself off air for the next two days, I’ll cover for you, work him, do what you need to do, after the two days come back to me and I will back whatever decision you bring to me. Do you understand me?”

 

“Chris, I can’t - ”

 

“Jensen, you have too”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen sat in the same chair next to the bed, Jared’s books on his lap and spread around him, soaking up diagrams, notes, timelines, dates, consequences. He alternated between looking at the copious notes and staring at his lover, looking at the blood drying on his face, seeing the marks, the fingerprints around his neck, the tears on his wrists, where the handcuffs still lay, the pistol barrel marks around his head.

 

All of what they had done and he still stubbornly stuck to his story … his eyes honest and always looking directly at Jensen.

 

Hazel eyes, filled with pain but begging for trust.


	11. Chapter 11

Jensen sat for a long time, a small part of him was worried Nathan, Jared, had a concussion, a very small part of him that was buried deep in anger and hurt and betrayal. A couple of times Jared mumbled in his unconsciousness, words that Jensen couldn’t make out.

 

“Jared...” Jensen shook his shoulder, painkillers and water ready at his side. Jared’s eyes slit open on a groan “...we need to talk”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared felt pain in virtually every part of his body, not least of which his shoulder, which was bent awkwardly under him as he lay on his side, his wrists still handcuffed. He could taste blood in his mouth and his head ached with lightening jabs and twists, he heard himself groan, his eyes still welded shut.

 

“Jared, open your damn eyes” Jensen’s voice, Jensen’s voice not full of hate and vitriol, Jensen’s voice encouraging and soft.

 

“Jensen” Jared groaned softly, his lips dry and cracked, feeling Jensen supporting his head and placing tablets on his tongue following with cold water. Slowly he opened his eyes, wincing at the swollen lid on his right eye, his vision blurred with dried blood.

 

“Come on Jared, stay with me” Jared tried hard, keeping his eyes open, lulled by Jensen’s soft voice “I’m gonna take the cuffs off, don’t move.” Jared didn’t feel the handcuffs leaving his wrists, the pain in them too acute to feel anything else. Chris and Jensen had certainly done their job well. “Jared, try and sit up, we need to talk.” 

 

Jensen helped him up, he tried, he tried really hard to push himself up on his own but his wrists felt like jelly and he had to rely on Jensen’s support to sit up. He wondered what was going on, why was Jensen helping him up? Surely he should be in custody by now?

 

“What the fuck Jensen” he groaned

 

“We have 48 hours, you have 48 hours, to explain to me what the hell is going on”

 

“I tried to tell you …”

 

”The fuck you did” Jensen bit out “Some crap about time travel and disappearing professors” Jensen frowned as Jared shook his head sadly, “What?”

 

“Jensen, I don’t know what else to say, I need to show you, I need to try and explain, but at the same time you need to know there are things I can’t tell you.” Jensen leaned in close, so close Jared could see every freckle on his face, but it wasn’t with affection or need, it was very different passions, hate and anger, Jared moved to back away, wincing at the wrist and his chest where sudden pain flared from bruised, or quite possibly cracked, ribs.

 

“Jared trust me when I say in the next 48 hours, there is going to be nothing I don’t know about you” he spat the words out, not one trace of his Jensen to be seen. “Get a shower, you reek” he added and left the room.

 

Jared sat for a good ten minutes, the grief in his heart as painful as the aches and pains in his body, before visualising himself in the shower and finally moving through to the attached bathroom, his breathing shallow, finding it hard to straighten, and leaning on the sink, looking at his face in the mirror. God he was a mess, Chris was scarily accurate in his hits and punches … of course it helped Jensen was holding him still whilst Chris was going at it.

 

He remembered what he was thinking last night. 

 

If they had killed him, then he would have changed the past through no fault of his own, Jensen wouldn’t die because of Jared. He had prayed one more hit would kill him, he kind of hoped that Chris would shoot him and that Jensen would continue to think the worst of him so he didn’t have memories that would torture him. 

 

Because the memories Jared had carried with him after Jensen had died? Well they killed him inside anyway.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen waited, listening for the shower, his heart fractured into a thousand pieces. He had loved Nathan … had imagined the rest of his life with him … worshipped every part of him … opened his heart to him … let him in. Had he really been played? 

 

He desperately tried to rationalise the lover he had in Nathan and the agent he saw in Jared.

 

He opened his laptop, double clicked his browser and typed in Jared Tristan Padalecki, 4 search results, all connected to a Jared Padalecki from San Antonio, details of his appointment to San Antonio PD, and a small bio including a tiny picture. He clicked on the thumbnail and it enlarged but not by much. It was obviously his Nathan or Jared, or some twin of Jared’s ... too similar not to be. 

 

This Jared Padalecki was a detective apparently, had received some local award for community relations. That was all he got from Google. He knew he could get more from the Government database but something stopped him from accessing the request pages to submit a request for information. He didn’t want to raise any red flags at the moment.

 

Nathan’s, Jared’s, cell phone yielded nothing, but a quick search in his lap top bag bought out a flat type screen, active, showing the downtown area around this apartment, two small red dots detailed and labeled. He put it to one side, sliding out the lap top and powering it up. Jared had a screensaver of them both from Christmas the previous year, their arms around each other, smiling so damn hard, he tried not to look, to harden his heart. The tomorrows they thought they were going to have when that picture was taken - well they were never going to happen now.

 

He rummaged around the laptop, concentrating on finding files created, checking his emails, he notice several to jaypad0782@hotmail.com, and made a note to check that out.

 

“You wont find anything on there Jen” Jareds voice, scratchy and weak came from behind him, and Jensen turned to see his lover standing in old familiar sweats and a baggy T-shirt, leaning against the doorjamb from the bedroom, a small pistol dangling from one hand, the other hand cradled to his chest. Jensen moved to stand; he thought he had checked for weapons, shit. Jared looked him directly in the eye

 

“You missed this one” he said softly and with an economy of motion he threw it at Jensen who caught it and stared down at it like it was on fire. “If you are going to trust me, then I think we need to start with you knowing I’m not armed” and breathing ragged he pushed away from the doorjamb and moved to the table sitting carefully on the seat opposite Jensen, trying not to shout in pain as his ribcage protested at the movement. 

 

The economy of movement didn’t slip by Jensen watchful gaze “We probably need to wrap those ribs” he said harshly, his voice like cut glass. Jared looked surprised at the veiled offer of kindness. “You are no use to us in pain” Jensen added a nasty edge to his voice.

 

”Shoulda thoughta that before kicking twelve kindsa shit outta me” Jared rasped, his slow stretched southern vowels and lazy talk a further indication of his level of pain.

 

“You’ve been through the same training, if your notes here, are to be believed. You know we needed immediate Intel on anything involving the President. What else would you have had us do?”

 

“I dunno, maybe trusted the man who loved you …” said so quietly. “… maybe … listened to him rationally?”

 

“That was never going to happen, you compromised me Nathan … Jared … Jeez I don’t even know who I am talking too now”

 

“Me. You are talking to me”. A sudden sharp pain ripped into his chest and he sat up straight, his breathing erratic and a faint sheen of sweat on grey tinged skin. Jensen stood, compassion hard and fast in his heart, crossing to the box with bandages and then back to Jared.

 

“Shirt off” he instructed. Jared looked at him blankly, before really trying hard to remove his T-shirt, his actions slow and sluggish, it damn well hurt, and even though he had been on the wrong end of fists before, this had been some serious targeted damage. He heard Jensen sigh before taking hold of the ends of Jared’s shirt and lifting it over his neck, ignoring Jared’s sharp inhalation of breath. Neither man spoke as Jensen wrapped the ribs, his soft warm hands touching Jared’s skin, a shiver of want visibly running down Jared’s spine. Jensen immediately backed off, taking a step back, horrified.

 

“I cant just turn it off” Jared whispered, not looking at Jensen, just taking the tablets handed to him, a different type, something stronger, willing them to work quick.

 

“So why wont I find anything on your laptop?” Jensen asked suddenly.

 

“I’m not stupid Jensen, I haven’t kept anything electronically”

 

“So nothing apart from the notebooks”

 

“Apart from them”

 

“Didn’t hide them very well”

 

”Perhaps I wanted you to see them” Jared said sadly, Jensen ignored him.

 

Jensen pushed the small screen over to Jared “And this is?”

 

“A tracker for the isotope”

 

”Convenient ... this invisible isotope...”

 

”What do you mean?”

 

”No watch, no necklace, no visible means of time travel, just some isotopic injection, so nothing to see”

 

“You can see it…” Jared held out his forearm, and indicated the faint mark under the skin of his arm.

 

“You said that was a - ” Jensen stopped, realised what he was just about to say

 

“It’s how I am tracked …” Jared pointed to the screen, to Jensen’s apartment and the red dot within.

 

“And the other dot?” Stupid question really “I assume the scientist is here now”

 

“Yes, he is”

 

“So that is where we start Jared, we go there.”

 

Jared looked stricken, “we can’t, we can’t get you interacting with Jem, time - ”

 

“Jared, either you take me, or I’ll shoot you and go and do it on my own”.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They walked from Jensen’s apartment to Jem Moores basement, Jared trying hard to keep up despite his longer legs, his breathing erratic and the pain in his lower back restricting his movements. 

 

If Jensen noticed he didn’t say, just walked at the speed he normally would have done … in complete and utter silence.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

“How could you do this Nathan? How could you bring him here? You have contaminated the time line”

 

“Our presence here has done that already.” Jared said simply, not brooking any discussion on the matter. Jem just muttered to himself, rubbing at the isotope site above his inner wrist with his other hand, a nervous habit Jared had noticed he had picked up recently. Jensen didn’t say anything, just walked around the strange arrangement of poles and netting a curious, yet disbelieving, expression on his face.

 

“And what the hell has happened to you?” Jem asked, noticing the bruises on Jared's face.

 

”I walked into a cupboard.” Jared offered, not waiting for a response. “Is it working now?” Jared asked, looking down at the notes.

 

“I haven’t tested it” Jem replied, quickly and fearfully looking over at Jared, his eyes pleading and looking for that pat on the head from Jared because he hadn’t stepped over the boundary that Jared had set.

 

“Is it ready for test?”

 

“Yes it is, it is” Jem nodded frantically

 

“How will we test it?”

 

“Send an inanimate object through, that was how we tested at The Pentagon, a clock, hmmm … sending a clock through … a watch … send it back five minutes”

 

“How do you attach this … this isotope … to an inanimate object?” This from Jensen who had moved back against the wall and was leaning in the shadows watching.

 

“Good question” Jem said in that typical scientist type way, pushing glasses up his nose and referring down to a page of technical specifications. “I’ve modified …..”

 

Jared tuned Jem out, he had heard all this before and wasn’t sure if even a test was enough to convince Jensen that Jared didn’t have a screw loose. The adrenalin keeping him standing was starting to fade and he lowered himself to the seat next to the machine, watching Jem talk and Jensen try to understand what the good doctor was rambling on about.

 

His thoughts flew back to last night, to waking up with Jensen staring at him with hate filled eyes, his hands locked to the bed, and closed his eyes briefly as a cutting grief overwhelmed him. Not everyone had second chances to be with the one they loved after they had lost them, but this was so screwed up. His plans never included Jem meeting Jensen, shit this was such a bad situation

 

“Nathan…” Moore’s voice “…we’re ready to test, if you wanted me to demonstrate today” Jared forced himself back to what Jem was saying, watching as the eager scientist virtually rubbed his hands together with glee.

 

“OK” What else could go wrong?

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen was just as quiet on the way back as he had been on the way there, but at least this time he was a little more solicitous of Jared’s slower walking. They had watched the test, seen the watch change by five minutes exactly, it wasn’t a lot but it gave Jensen something to think about.

 

When they arrived back he grabbed up Jared’s notes and immediately started pacing the kitchen, stopping only once to grab a beer from the fridge, reading the notes and frowning. Jared waited patiently, not quite sure what Jensen was building up to, but hoping they would at least had some common ground they could start from.

 

“Why Jared … why did they send you back two years”

 

“Something happened, something big, and they tracked the source back to various time anomalies that Terrenus had been tracking, the findings suggested that the time differences were somehow linked to Moore’s disappearance. I was sent back to find him.”

 

“What happened that was so big it mobilised you being sent back?”

 

”Jensen - ”

 

“Shit Jared, the President. Someone killed the president, that is what the notes mean, the notes about the fact that only the president dying would be enough to send someone back? I thought you were being … Jeez Jared”

 

“Jen - ”

 

“Don’t. When? Where and when and how can we stop it?”

 

“We can’t Jensen, we can’t stop it”

 

“We can. Godammit Jared, that is why you were sent back” Jensen had stopped pacing and was now directly in front of him, almost bristling with righteous anger.

 

“No Jensen, it wasn’t … I was sent back to deal with time anomalies, not save the Presidents life” Jared was starting to feel really tired, his head pounding with pain, his neck tense, his ribs screaming for more painkillers.

 

“Jared, this is screwed to hell”. Jensen ran hands through his short dark blonde hair, his green eyes windows to his turbulent emotions. In his hands he had the means to do his job, to save the president, and Jared was withholding information. Temper rose in him, a sudden and rare temper that hardly ever saw light of day and he took a step forward, his hands raised in front of him, pushing at Jared, watching as Jared paled and stepped backwards obviously in a lot of pain and clearly afraid of what Jensen was going to do. After last night who could blame him? His temper left as soon as it flared and it left him empty and uncertain.

 

Jared stood silent, unsure what to say, his arms curled protectively across his ribs, his eyes wide.

 

Jensen lifted a hand, touched it to the swelling on Jared’s cheek, his touch soft, and his eyes troubled.

 

“I held you” he said brokenly, moving his hand into Jared’s hair, remembering how he had forced Jared’s head back, how much pain he had caused. It was curious to touch that hair now, his senses on overdrive, he knew he had to do what he had done, he wasn’t stupid, he would blame himself for it, he was only doing his job. 

 

Chris had seen though; somehow he had seen through the blood and seen honesty in Jared’s eyes, so why couldn't he have seen that same truth, that same honesty? Was it because Nathan had made him so vulnerable? He couldn’t understand. Jared leaned slightly into the touch and revulsion started to tumble through Jensen, revulsion and pity and guilt and duty, mixing into an acid and coating his stomach … he was going to be sick. 

 

With sudden energy he pushed back from his injured lover and walked swiftly to his room, shutting and locking the door behind him, dropping mercifully to the floor in his bathroom and losing what little he had eaten. The tears started then. 

 

Every tiny scaffold that Jared had built to climb into his heart torn down and scattered in disarray.

 

I held you … I let him hurt you ... I hurt you …

 

I didn’t trust you…

 

What do I do now?


	12. Chapter 12

Jared looked stricken at the question, but realised it was inevitable.“I do have to go back…” his voice tailed off and he shrugged his shoulders for want of something else to say.

 

“When” A loaded question if ever Jared had heard one.

 

“It’s not something I can talk ab-” he began but Jensen waved away his response and broke in.

 

“Will you tell me before you go?”

 

“Jensen...” God this is so hard

 

“Will you say goodbye?” Jensen’s voice was so quiet, yet determined.

 

“I will” Jared would have to, he had so much to explain.

 

“Promise” Jensen was insistent, his hands clenched in fists on the table top.

 

“I promise” And that point there, Jared felt his heart break into a million pieces. Knowing that Jensen will go through what he went through, losing a lover.

 

“How can I go through each day thinking it could be my last with you…” Jensen said simply, said exactly what Jared was thinking “… how is it humanly possible to go through this” He hunched over, his arms hugging his stomach, his face twisted, overwhelmed with imagined grief.

 

“People lose lovers, friends, family … every day Jen … it’s just that for a lot of people it is sudden, wrenching, and they never get to say goodbye.”

 

“I don’t want to say goodbye to you Jared” Jensen’s beautiful green eyes were bright were unshed tears, and he reached over the table to grasp Jared’s hands.

 

“Neither do I Jensen, neither do I.” I don’t want to say goodbye, but it’s better than holding you dying in my arms and never getting the chance.

 

“Then don’t. Stay… stay here with me, surely you’ll catch yourself up one day.”

 

“And that is the problem Jen. In this time line I am in now there is already a Jared-”

 

“A cop in Texas.” Jared didn't look surprised that Jensen knew.

 

“Yes” He knew Jensen would have looked the name up, he hoped he hadn’t dug too far and thrown red flags up to any authorities.

 

“Does he know you’re here?”

 

“Yes he does”

 

“Have you seen him?”

 

“I have ... I had to.”

 

“And you didn’t like … erm … cancel him out or anything weird like that? ”

 

“No” Jared shook his head, kind of knowing where this line of conversation was going.

 

“So you could stay” Jensen sounded more questioning than hopeful.

 

“We don’t know the long term effects of time travel, I mean, me just talking to you now, it might be like dropping a stone in water, causing a ripple in time that could influence our grandchildren’s generation, or more generations on, we don’t know what could come to pass”

 

“If it hasn’t happened yet-” Jensen was fixated on that single thought that surely time was already screwed because he knew about Jared.

 

“The isotope is due to pull me back, end of story. Can we not just use the time we have to say goodbye properly?”

 

Jensen let go of Jared’s hands and rose in a flurry of agitated movement. “This isn’t fair … were you ever gonna tell me?”

 

“Jen-”

 

“It’s not fair on you, and it’s not fair on me” Jensen’s face looked empty of hope, devastated, and it sent a knife through Jared’s heart.

 

“Jen listen to me, Jared Padalecki lives in Texas, he is a detective with the San Antonio PD, a damn fine one if what I read about him is true, he is a man who deserves his own history, his own destiny, he is another simply another version of what I could have been.”

 

“Jared - ”

 

“When I’m gone, find him, talk to him, you’ll see what I mean.”

 

“Find him?” Jensen looked horrified “What the fuck … do you want me to replace you with him?”

 

”Jensen he is me.” Why cant you see that?

 

“No Jared, he isn’t” Jensen was very clear on that, his voice firm and the matter was closed. Damn, and there was Jared seeing Jensen and ‘real’ Jared being together as the next evolution in the tangled JensenJared relationship.

 

They sat for a while, nursing coffee, both in deep thought, until Jared rose and moved to the sofa, settling himself into his corner, a deep sigh rushing from his chest. Jensen quickly joined him, as if he couldn’t bear to be away from him.

 

“Jared, can I ask you something personal” Jensen seemed nervous, chewing his lower lip and restless hands tangling in short hair and wiping down his stubbled face.

 

“Uh huh”

 

“In your time, before you came back, were you with anyone”

 

“I had been.” Stop, stop asking.

 

“Was it the boyfriend that was killed?”

 

“Yes.” Please stop.

 

“Is that what made you into the agent you are, one who’ll risk his life in this game of time?”

 

“I risked my life every day for the President, it was no different.”

 

“Was I there Jared, in your time? Did you know me? Do I work in the same place as you as a secret service agent?”

 

“Yes, but I didn’t see you much, our paths never crossed” Jared put on his best please believe me face, his honest face.

 

“Jared, you’re leaving something out of all this?” Jensen was almost pleading.

 

“We need to leave this, I can’t talk about this” Jared shook his head, a curtain of hair covering his eyes.

 

“Jared, I’m dying inside here, how can you not give me anything” Jensen reached across, pushing the hair away from Jared’s expressive hazel eyes. “Don’t hide from me Jared.”

 

“Can you just trust me?” Jensen didn’t answer, just sat and looked at Jared, a frown on his beautiful face. They sat this way for a good ten minutes; nothing was said, neither one wanting to take the conversation further, until a combination of meds and lack of sleep finally caught up with Jared.

 

“I’m feeling tired, I’m gonna go lay down” Jared finally offered as conversation, anything to break the unsettling silence.

 

“M’ok” Jensen replied, his eyes following Jared as the younger man stood up carefully. 

 

Jared held out a hand, “come with me?” he asked uncertain.

 

Jensen wanted to ask if Jared was sure. 

 

How could Jared even want Jensen to touch him, hold him and be near him, it seemed impossible? Jensen hesitated and disappointment was clear in Jared’s eyes when he saw Jensen waver, disappointment driven away by a smile as Jensen took his hand and stood, still clasping Jared’s fingers, and they walked together into the bedroom. 

 

Jared pushed off his sweats and clambered awkwardly onto the bed in his T-Shirt and boxers, again Jensen hesitated, but only for a second, before shedding jeans, shirt and socks until he too was lying nearly undressed on the covers. Jensen found Jared’s hand and they lay on their backs, shoulders touching, completely still. Breathing in unison, soft and deep, the only change when Jared lost his battle with exhaustion and drifted to sleep, his fingers curled tightly in Jensen’s hand.

 

Jensen realised Jared had fallen asleep and rolled up on his elbow to look at the sleeping man. He looked so peaceful in sleep, like a small child, relaxed, lips slightly parted, his long slim neck open to kissing and marking. Jensen had to stop himself from leaning over and tasting his lover and dropping a small kiss on Jared’s soft lips he lay back down again, trying to relax every muscle, willing himself to sleep.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen woke slowly to the familiar warmth of six four of Jared wrapped around him; arms over his chest, a leg thrown over his, pinning him to the bed. He just slumped lower and curled more into Jared’s freaky hold. Today was his last off-day and if it was spent cuddling Jared then so be it, it was a tough job but someone had to do it.

 

“Hey” Jared’s voice was sleep rough and hot against Jensen’s neck.

 

“Hey” Jensen returned as Jared started to uncurl himself. Jensen must have made a noise of annoyance because Jared smiled.

 

“Bathroom dude” he said softly, he was only gone a few minutes but when he returned his breath was minty fresh and there was a glint in the eye.

 

“Bathroom” Jensen said weakly and scurried quickly to have a pee and brush his teeth. He jumped back onto the bed, squirming under the covers this time, curling back into Jared’s warm body.

 

They exchanged lazy unhurried kisses, warm and snuggling and heartfelt, whispering endearments and promises and words of love. It was languid and soft and just exactly perfect.

 

It was Jensen and Jared and it was memories they would hold for the rest of their loves, however long that was.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

4 weeks to September 3rd

 

Jared Padalecki, detective, San Antonio PD, sat at his home desk re reading the last email from Nathan that he had received the week before but kept rereading, trying to make sense of it

 

_To:jaypad0782@hotmail.com_

_From:nathanbec1982@googlmail.com_

_Hey Detective,_

_Hope the SAPD gig is going well… it's cool here but being an artist is damn hard work!!_

_I so need to get stuff off my chest … Jensen isn’t taking this so well. I think one day he is going to ask the right question, the very question that I cant answer and I am going to crumble, it nearly happened last night._

_Jensen trusts me totally, we love each other to the exclusion of everything else, but what I can’t handle is the thought of that one question. He knows the whole thing now, and it breaks my heart to know that I am going to have to leave him._

_It doesn’t matter that I get to say goodbye this time, that is insignificant in the fact that I have to go, have to leave him. If he is still alive, if he is still here, then I know he’ll need a friend when I’m gone. He has Chris at the moment, but I get the feeling that Chris is wavering on this whole time travel thing, he seems closed off to me, uncertain. I’m worried about Chris, I’ve got some stuff that I found in my own time line and it is disturbing, I’m looking into it more. Anyway, whatever, I’m just not sure he’ll be there for Jensen when I’m gone._

_Say hi to SA for me!_

_Speak to you soon,_

_Nathan_

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris leaned forward, his elbows on the table, grimacing at the smell of tobacco in the air, and eyeing the small man sat opposite him distastefully. He was a little man in a seedy little bar. Hard to believe he had the future of time at his fingertips.

 

“You realise of course that Jared is endangering the President directly, and that your colleague…” he referred to papers in front of him “… Jensen Ackles is the biggest part of the problem.

 

“I don’t see him as part of the problem I know Jensen … he is a friend, I’ve known him for years, he would never do anything to harm his country.” Chris’s blue eyes held the fire of conviction.

 

“You’re not here to think boy. We need Jensen out of the picture and for the sake of the world as we know it there is only one way to do that … you know that, you are fooling yourself if you don’t”

 

Grief built in Chris’s stomach, a churning grief that wouldn’t lay still.

 

“I’m still - ”

 

“Jared Padalecki is here to kill the President Christian, remember that. Your oath is to your President and your country, friendship should mean nothing in that context”

 

Chris said nothing, he had nothing to say, nothing of any importance. It was his job to remove Jensen Ackles from the picture, his job to take down Jared when the time was right, and he would do his job, as he had been ordered to.

 

Patriotism the very core of him.

 

That was his way.


	13. Chapter 13

Saturday 1st September 2007, 2 days till anomaly

 

… Monday … yeah the 3rd …

 

… Café Espresse, some new Italian place …

 

… seven? …

 

… nah it’s casual …

 

… bring Jared, cool …

 

… later man …

 

Chris sat back in the chair, the cell phone hot in his hand, his stomach churning as he looked over at the man watching him make the call.

 

“How can you know this is he right thing to do?” He asked again, his face twisted with a frown.

 

“He told you that Jensen had to die didn’t he?”

 

“He said you both needed to die, you and Jensen, I don’t understand how me going along with this will help, why can’t you tell Jensen it was your idea to meet up on Monday?”

 

”Can you trust me Chris?”

 

”I’m trying man but shit … the President … this is like going against every single fibre of me to put the President in danger from you”

 

“The President is in no danger from either of us and in your heart you know that”

 

“I know, I couldn’t trust anyone more than I trust Jensen”

 

“Just not me then?”

 

”Nathan ... Jared ... see that is the problem. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just that there is absolutely no reason that I should.”

 

”Jensen told me it was you that said I should be given a chance - ” Chris snorted interrupting what Jared was saying.

 

“I did it for Jensen, I couldn’t send you to be interrogated or dissected as some alien freak when I know how much it could hurt Jensen if he didn’t know the full story” Jared visibly flinched, Chris was right, he hadn’t really done anything to earn trust. Uncrossing his arms and moving forward in his chair, he started to speak, an impassioned plea on his face.

 

“Chris, just promise me that you will give Jensen until after the anomaly, and then I don’t care what you do with me. Hand me in, dissect me, whatever, just let me sort out this anomaly first”

 

“If anything happens to Jensen…” Chris’s voice tailed off, his tone threatening.

 

“Nothing, I …” Jared paused … how could he promise Jensen wouldn’t get hurt, wouldn’t die, when he didn’t know either way himself.

 

Chris stood up in a flurry of movement, his body language hard and violent, and Jared stood just as quickly sensing his answer may have pushed Chris a little too far, he wished he could say it would all be alright, he desperately wanted it be ok, for Jensen to break through to the day after, he wasn’t sure he could go through it again, losing Jensen, watching him bleed out in his hold, already dead, lifeless, his green eyes frozen in shock.

 

Chris stalked to front him, his face inches from Jared’s, his hands in fists at his side, anger and frustration in his every cell.

 

“What Chris? You wanna hit me again? Might find it a bit more difficult when I’m not tied down” Jared’s own temper was building to a rare high, it wasn’t as if he knew what was going to happen enough to stop it.

 

“You fucking go first, not Jensen … you … if I have to kill you myself” Clenched fists relaxed and curled into Jared’s jacket. “If I think for one minute you are sacrificing Jensen in some twisted game, I swear I will put Jensen’s life first and I will kill you.” Jared’s anger slipped away as quickly as it rose, he knew Chris was only thinking of the same thing that was driving Jared … saving Jensen.

 

“I wouldn’t want you to even stop and think. If I need to die, if you need me gone because it will somehow keep Jensen safe, then I want you to do it.”

 

Chris lowered his hands, the tension leaving his body, and he slumped down onto the nearest the chair. “Let’s go through this again”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

_To:jaypad0782@hotmail.com_

_From:nathanbec1982@googlmail.com_

_Hey Jay,_

_Only another two days and I am starting to freak out. I’ve spoken to Chris, he seems ok, has Jensen’s best interests at the front of his mind._

_I cant believe I did this, but I actually got him to promise to kill me if it all looks like it is going pear shaped. Don’t start rushing up here; I’m sure it will all be fine._

_God, I’ve just re-read that and I know that you know it is complete crap. But seriously don’t start rushing up here, like I know that I would, cos seriously man one time anomaly is bad enough._

_Jensen is on tenterhooks, keeps looking at me like I’m standing on the gallows or something, with a noose round my neck, waiting for the trapdoor to open. It’s OK, he can do that, but I can’t. I can’t show him one iota of worry and it is like acid in my stomach. It’s kinda like the time we thought we’d got Jaynee pregnant after that whole neck thing; it’s eating away at me. Shit man, I’m off my food – now how is that for gallows humour eh?_

_The stuff I found out before, well it seems like I was right, and it is the same person involved. You know who I mean. Promise me man, if I go before I get this sorted, do something, anything, just to fuck with the bastard, just stay outta trouble doing it._

_This will probably be my last email before the big A, hey it may be my last entirely!_

_So just one more thing._

_I love Jensen. You’d love Jensen. I know you would._

_Nathan_

 

Jared hesitated before sending, recognising the naked plea in his last few words if he lives , if I can sort it, then please don’t let Jensen be alone.

 

In the end he pressed send, imagining the email wending it’s way to San Antonio, and closing his email, just in case he received a reply.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Sunday 2nd September, 1 day til anomaly, 9pm

 

The tension was ramped up to incredibly high levels. Jared couldn’t sit still, wondering aimlessly round the apartment, stopping every so often and staring into space. He spent the intervening quiet times scribbling in his notebook and muttering under his breath. Jensen on the other hand sat. He just sat. He was nursing a beer; the same beer that he had started at 7:45pm, it was warm and kind of tasteless, and wasn’t really what Jensen wanted. 

 

He knew Jared was nervous about the anomaly, worried about how it would manifest itself. Jensen knew Jared had more knowledge than he was letting on about what was going to happen, but with the unpredictability of this new time Jared was creating and the last anomaly that had affected Jared physically, Jensen could see an emotion in Jared he thought he would never see. Fear.

 

He finally stood up just as Jared made his tenth or eleventh pass towards the bedroom, tackling him with a whoop and flailing them both on the bed, Jared landing on his back, Jensen flat on top of him, grinning like a loon.

 

For a few seconds they lay like that, green eyes bright with laughter, hazel eyes sparking with amusement. Until Jensen groaned and pushed down against his lover, the evidence of his feelings hard against the younger man’s thigh.

 

“So you got me here, now what you gonna do” Jared drawled, they hadn’t actually made love since the whole beating incident, a bit of stroking and touching and a whole lot of kissing but nothing too physical. A combination of Jared’s healing ribs and the whole guilt-angst thing hovering between them.

 

“I dunno, I hadn’t really thought much further than tackling you to bed and using my superior squashing skills to hold you still” Jensen said, smiling and dropping a small open mouthed kiss to Jared’s long neck, touching his teeth to heated skin and stopping to suck a small mark where it would be hidden under Jared’s long chestnut hair. He felt rather than saw Jared tense and heard him groan quietly.

 

“Jensen, this isn’t right …” Jared said softly and Jensen lifted his head, confusion flaring in his eyes “ … you know I need to be on top” Jared smirked, waiting for Jensen to react, inhaling a deep breath when Jensen arched himself into Jared whispering heated words into his open mouth, rolling to one side and starting to strip before laying back on the bed completely naked, his pupils blown and his body taut. Jared couldn’t move, he just wanted to look, wanted to watch, as Jensen circled himself and started to move his hand, up an down, a twist at the top, a small breathy sound escaping from his parted lips.

 

“Jared… come on..” he pleaded, his back arching, pushing into his hand, his other hand gripping covers in convulsive movements. Jared slowly removed jeans and his T-shirt, his boxers joining the pile leaning over his lover and placing a large hand over Jensen’s, stopping his movements.

 

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” he threatened as Jensen immediately lay flat, a whine in his throat “hold …” Jared commanded and Jensen caught hold of the head of the bed, dripping until his knuckles turned white with the temptation to move them. Jared reached to the bedside table, pulling out the silk lengths they had stored there and stopping … looking at Jensen with questions in his eyes. Jensen loved this whole dominant Jared thing, but had they gone too far with everything else, the distrust, the anger, the fear and the worry, for Jensen to really trust him again?

 

Jensen saw Jared’s concern and answered by letting one hand fall from the white knuckled grip, taking one of the lengths of silk, wrapping it round his other wrist and offering his delicately boned hand to Jared, total trust in his eyes. Jared felt his heart nearly burst out of his chest, he hadn’t irrevocably damaged Jensen’s trust, and with a heated rush of lust he took the wrapped hand and wound the silk round the bed, looping it round Jensen’s other wrist and sitting back admiring the view of Jensen laid out in front of him, the silk was loose, more of a suggestion than actually keeping Jensen tied down. Jared loved the fact that Jensen had trusted him to do this, trusted Jared to look after him, and he straddled his lover, leaning forward and capturing Jensen’s mouth in a heated searching kiss.

 

Jensen pushed up against him, writhing under Jared’s hard body, so much stimulation, it was sensory overload. Jared moved lips down Jensen’s neck, stopping at his throat, marking his lover with a blossom of red, before continuing his journey down the chest, pausing at each nipple, tonguing and biting and sucking a path leading to the part of Jensen’s gorgeous body he was most interested in, stopping briefly to coat his left hand with slick and moving it behind Jensen, a finger, two, searching, his mouth around him, licking and sucking and oh god moving in that perfect way.

 

Jensen wanted to grab at Jared, clutch at his head, tangle fingers in his long hair but he couldn’t move and he begged in frustration as Jared slowed his movements, pushing back on Jared’s fingers and forward into his hot clever mouth, his orgasm building in his spine, so close. Abruptly, Jared removed his mouth, adding a third finger behind and scissoring opening Jensen up.

 

“Jared” Jensen pleaded.

 

“Shhhh, no noise” Jared instructed softly, moving back up Jensen’s body and angling to take himself all the way, gently pushing inside, and then further, stilling, waiting, until Jensen moved against him and Jared pushed in the whole way, leading him over the edge and into the age old dance they had perfected as a couple. It took so little time for Jensen to lose it, hot and wet between them and for Jared to follow him over, collapsing heavy against his lover and placing frantic kisses on every bare inch of skin, murmuring I love you I love you over and over again, finally moving off and helping Jensen to leave his silken bonds. 

 

Jensen grabbed at him, pulling him close, using his t-shirt to wipe his stomach.

 

"I'm not letting you go Jared"

 

Not letting you go


	14. Chapter 14

There was blood

 

Blood that soaked into him, through his clothes, coating his skin, slippery and metallic to taste, sticking to every pore, patterns of death drawn and tattooed into dying flesh. The currency of vengeance thick and heavy in his shaking hands as he turns the face to him, a face frozen in horror, green eyes dead, pupils fixed, the freezing touch of death spreading from heart to throat to face, he touched the throat, leaving bloody prints to mark his delicate skin, feeling for a pulse. At the same time looking at the tear in his chest, through his grey jacket, his shirt, no exit wound, so much blood, such a tiny mark for the damage the bullet had wrought, exploding, shredding, killing. 

 

Jensen.

 

Jensen

 

In Washington Jared woke up sweating, his hand reaching for his waking lover, the touch warm, his own breathing ragged and tear filled, Jensen looking at him, sadness in his eyes. Knowing.

 

In San Antonio the detective woke with a panicked start, his breathing shallow, a sheen of sweat on his shaking body. Forcing his eyes shut he followed the dream, reached to his side, blood, so much blood and terror in his head, but nothing here, nothing physically here. What the fuck?

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen sat in the early morning light, nursing a coffee, his head bowed, listening as Jared showered, waiting for him to come into the kitchen, to explain the dream. 

 

He was leaving today, he had to be, that must be the anomaly, some problem with him going back, and he had promised. He promised he would tell Jensen when he was going back. He promised.

 

When he looked into Jared’s eyes, saw the grief and the fear in them, heard his name gasped on a single breath, he knew, something was happening today and it was something Jared wasn’t sharing.

 

Jared walked into the kitchen, in sweats, and trainers, one of Jensen’s old UT T-shirts tight across his shoulders.

 

“I’mma gonna goforarun” Jared’s syllables ran together, Texas slipping into his speech, exhaustion marking his face, and saying no more he left the room, stalking to the front door, his shoulders hunched, one hand pushing back unruly wet hair.

 

“Jared” Jensen said quietly, not sure if he wanted his lover to hear him or not. Jared stopped but he didn’t turn.

 

“Yeah” he acknowledged softly, his shoulders stiffening, in his heart knowing what Jensen was going to say.

 

“Is it today? Is today our last day?” Jensen’s voice hitched with pain.

 

“No Jen, I promise you, it is not my last day” but still Jared didn’t turn to face his lover so that Jensen could see if there was truth in his eyes; he just kept on walking, shutting the door behind him.

 

Jensen just sat.

 

Sat and waited for Jared to return, wanting the truth.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The flight took three hours and forty-seven minutes, and he arrived in Washington just after 1pm. In his hands a carry on bag and a box file. 

 

A box filled with Nathan’s emails and his own research.

 

Determined he waved down a taxi.

 

“A Hotel … somewhere near the Pentagon” he said confidently, inside not feeling at all confident. The taxi driver had obviously heard that before and just started away from Dulles and heading south-east without asking anything else.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared didn’t come straight back from his run.

 

He stopped at Moores, waking the good doctor from sleep, and demanding to be let in, stalking down to the basement. Pacing in front of Terrenus, his head filled with chaos and problems. Moore followed him down, puzzled and frowning.

 

Agitated Jared crossed to the screen, everything was quiet, no activity, no movements, Moore was here, Jared was here; no one else was here.

 

Jared was edgy and expectant, wondering about tying Moore up and shoving him in a cupboard just until the 4th but at the same time not sure Moore would have any effect on what was happening today.

 

In the end, and without saying a word to Moore, he left, running back to Jensen, practising his happy contented face all the way home.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

He booked into a hotel, spreading the files and emails on the bed as soon as the door closed behind him.

 

Jared had given so much away, whether intentional or not, enough for him to know today was the date of the third and last anomaly, the 3rd September, no idea of time, no idea of what was happening, but knowing it involved Jared and his partner.

 

His left arm was sore, he looked at it closely, there was nothing there but it was burning, hot and uncomfortable, and he felt uncharacteristically tired. Swearing to himself he tried to focus on the paper trail, scribbling in a notebook and muttering as he joined the dots and finally sat back on the bed, exhaustion overwhelming him, his arm so sore he could hardly move it. A shower might help.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared’s arm started to burn at three in the afternoon and he made his excuses to a bewildered Jensen to disappear to the bathroom pulling up his sleeve and checking his arm. Nothing there, but he leaned back on the wall, feeling his arm with his other hand, fingers pushing against the isotope site, knowing the pain was emanating from there. He felt odd, off, strangely light headed and apart from his body, like he had been drinking, like he was watching his own self from above, but he didn’t know how to even begin to explain that to Jensen, who was hovering and worrying and wondering and questioning.

 

“Jared?” Jensen outside the door, his head to the door. Jared touched the door, his head falling to the same door, wanting to touch, wanting to pull Jensen in and ask for him to hold him.

 

“I’ll be out in a minute…” he called, keeping his voice level and controlled and with an injection of smile.

 

“You OK?” Jeez, Jensen is persistent

 

“Yeah, fine dude” no more … no more appropriate words ... just silence. He held his breath, hearing Jensen outside the door, a movement and then he left.

 

Moving to the sink he leaned on the cold porcelain, his eyes focusing on a tired face in the mirror. His eyes looked cold, blank, and the dizziness was building in his head, threatening to overwhelm him. Splashing cold water on his face, he ran wet hands through his long hair, running them down his face, tracing bones and skin, looking down at running water, imagining the blood of his dreams.

 

Four hours

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

He watched the restaurant, the gun under his jacket and heavy against his hot skin. He had the perfect view … he had his orders, he had his conscience, he just had to decide what to handle first, which one to let win.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen pulled on his shirt, Nathan’s, Jared’s favourite, soft blue denim.

 

Jared came to stand behind him, putting arms around his waist, burying his face into Jensen’ neck, his fingers burying deep in the soft cotton of the shirt.

 

“Tell me again why we are going out tonight?” Jared said softly

 

“Chris asked…” Jensen replied, smirking, leaning back against his lover, reveling in the heat his tall body generated. “…and the day is nearly over, nothing has happened, we should celebrate”

 

“Hmmm, we still have quite a few hours…” shit, did I just say that?

 

”Until…?” Jensen raised an eyebrow.

 

”Until midnight of course” Jared covered quickly.

 

“Jared…” Jensen paused, turning his head slightly meeting Jared’s lips in a soft kiss “…I love you” he said, his heart in his words.

 

“Not as much as I love you.” Jared returned confidently, nibbling at Jensen’s lower lip. Jensen moaned into his open mouth, part of him just wanting to stay here, but inside knowing it was in Jared’s plans that they went out – he wasn’t that good at acting innocent, he couldn’t hide his worry from Jensen.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Moore sat at his laptop as Jared had instructed watching for blips, as Jared had described them, peaks in energy readings, isotopic interference.

 

He scribbled more notes on the discovery Jared and he had made the week before – a way of controlling the isotope to stop problems like when he had nearly died. Inevitably they found a flaw in this discovery. Controlling the isotope could, no would lead to the canceling of the isotope. 

 

Jared had smiled faintly at that, Moore frowned at the memory, it was almost as if Nathan, Jared, whatever his name was, was happy at the thought that he could potentially cancel his isotope, despite knowing he would lose his place in time and in broad terms no longer exist. 

 

Still Jared took the injection kit with him, the pre-measured dose that would break the isotope’s hold on him just in case things get bad with the whole spidery reaction thing he had said.

 

Moore saw the peak at the same moment his own isotope started to send snagging irritating pains through his arm.

 

He dialed the number he knew by heart.

 

“Whoever it is … they’re here.” he said simply, closing the phone and rubbing at his arm, praying that this was going to work.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The new traveler arrived on time at the house he knew.

 

He punched in the code and retrieved clothes, the rumpled suit familiar and worn.

 

He retrieved the gun his ex wife had bought in case of emergencies and left in the bitterness of divorce.

 

He knew where it was hidden.

 

It was only a short distance to the restaurant.

 

He arrived at six.

 

He watched. 

 

He waited in the shadows near the car park.

 

The gun was heavy in his hand; he needed to get Jensen away from him. Then deal with Jared on his own.

 

His arm hurt, it itched and it burnt where the isotope sat, small spider veins emanating from the spot, and he absently rubbed at it with the gun barrel, not noticing the veins start to crawl, slowly, steadily, up his arm and down into his hand.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

As they neared the restaurant the clock in the car clicked over to 7pm, and a weight settled heavily in Jared’s stomach.

 

The pain in his arm was growing worse, he didn’t want to look, scared at what he would see, and the call had just piled on the pressure.

 

Someone else had been sent back.

 

“Jared” Jensen’s voice was tiny in the expanse of the inside of the car, “you’re scaring me … you are so quiet”

 

“Tired Jen, that’s all” Jared smiled tiredly, rubbing at his arm, aware that the pain was getting worse. Jensen stopped the car in the restaurant car park on the opposite side of the road to the front door, absently noticing a tall skinny blonde tripping and laughing into the eaterie. He stopped Jared from leaving the car with a gentle touch on his arm, pulling him back for a kiss, every ounce of love he felt for this man in that single kiss, Jared returned the kiss, his muddled pain filled brain dying to shout something out, just to hide Jensen away. Jensen slipped a hand round his back, feeling the weapon Jared was carrying and pulling back slightly, looking deep into Jared’s hazel eyes.

 

“Whatever is meant to happen to you Jared with this anomaly; don’t do anything stupid … promise me?” Jared shook his head imperceptibly, taking Jensen’s hand from his arm and pushing back the sleeve of his jacket revealing the spider veins, slowly expanding away from the isotope site.

 

“Whatever it is Jen, it’s happening already…” Jensen traced the path of the lines with a single finger, tears starting to gather in his eyes, a single tear falling down his cheek. Jared watched the tear with morbid fascination.

 

“I’m going tonight.” Jared said softly, suddenly, watching as Jensen’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“No Jared, you said that you would tell me - ”

 

”I am, I did”

 

“Said that you’d give me time to say goodbye”

 

”We did say goodbye … last night was my goodbye”

 

”You … you told me to trust you … you said …” Jensen couldn’t say anymore, the wash of betrayal tumbling through him even as grief started to climb into his heart. Jared blinked steadily even as the pain in his arm became unbearable.

 

“Jen …” he tried to say calmly, but his words were starting to slur. “Jen … we need to leave the car … we need to see this through …” Jensen just looked stricken, but as he moved back from Jared, a horrified expression hit his face as he watched the spider lines creep above the collar of Jared’s shirt, and heard Jared’s breathing start to grow ragged. 

 

Fumbling he opened the door, almost falling out of the car in his haste to get round to Jared’s side and was round his side in seconds, reaching him as Jared pulled out the injection pen from his pocket, too late to stop him dialing the serum dose and injecting it direct into the isotope site.

 

“What did you do Jared? What have you done?” Jensen pleaded, falling to his knees next to his lover.

 

“Nothing that didn’t need to be done Jen. I can’t go back, I can’t occupy the same space as the Jared in Texas, not in his time, and the isotopes deteriorate, they were never designed to be forever, it would just kill me slowly, poison me, this way Jen … this way I get to like, fall asleep, peacefully, and before I go I get to see what happens.”

 

The spidery lines had started to retreat from around Jared’s throat, whatever was in that serum ….

 

“Jensen Ackles?”

 

Jensen swung round, his face a mask of shock at Jared and confusion, he saw the gun, tried to reach for his own.

 

Heard the shot, felt the pain.

 

And then it all went black.


	15. Chapter 15

“Detective Padalecki, I need access to an empty apartment on the top floor, overlooking the restaurant” Jared flashed his badge, tugging at his sleeve to cover the creeping spider lines encircling his wrist.

 

The security guard cast a cursory glance at the ID, probably didn’t even see it was for a police department 1600 miles away, and seemed satisfied

 

“Apartment 4c is empty…” he said, rummaging for a key, and handing it over “…you setting up a surveillance?” he seemed interested.

 

“Just a routine op, some minor celebrity visiting Café Espresse tonight” Jared said and shrugged, hoisting his bag over his shoulder and heading for the stairs.

 

It took him a good ten minutes to reach the fourth floor as on his way up he checked out each fire door and window that gave him a good view of the restaurant and more importantly a clear view of the car park. He finally opened the door to apartment 4c, crossing to the picture windows and opening the door to the balcony.

 

Perfect.

 

He checked his watch, he had only really just made it up here in time, it was already six fifteen and he had to set up.

 

He opened the bag, unpacking and laying out the parts of the rifle, thankful of a thriving black market that had enabled him to get what he wanted for cold cash, and equally thankful that he knew his guns. He assembled the parts, caressing each one with a soft oiled cloth, carefully checking each item as he attached it to another, until the gun sat ready and waiting.

 

It was six thirty, he needed to get in position, wait for the car, wait to see what happened, save this Jensen guy, help Nathan…if he could concentrate past the pain that was intensifying and creeping up his arm. He assumed the pain was something to do with Nathan, the Jared from the future; a connection of sorts and despite Nathan warning him not to come up to DC, how could he not? 

 

He crawled onto the balcony on his belly, sliding forward until he was directly over the car park, getting comfortable, the gun warming in his hands, pushing through the pain and the dizziness to focus his vision.

 

He didn’t know Jensen, but he knew himself, and if Nathan felt Jensen was worth dying for then Jared was not going to stand aside and let it happen.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris followed Moore at a distance, Jared had warned him that Moore may go on a walkabout and that Chris should keep an eye on him for a short while, just in case. He followed him to the local grocery store, watched as he bought milk and bread and then watched as he wandered back to his apartment. Moore wasn’t really doing anything out of the ordinary and to be honest Chris was itching to get to the centre of the action and looking at his watch he saw it was coming up for two pm. More than enough time to get himself there and to scope out a position.

 

When he arrived at the restaurant area he looked up at the apartment block, he didn’t do long distance, a sniper was not what he was, he used hands and fists and feet, up close and personal. His personal choice, the alleys to the side of the restaurant, his hands loose, and curled around his gun, his eyes watching the area, the patience he was renowned for his only comfort.

 

He stood for what seemed like hours, looking at his watch. 

 

Six fifty. 

 

Shifting his stance he dropped the gun to his side his vision focusing on the scene on front of him

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The balcony was hard and cold and the pain in Jared’s arm had extended into his shoulder, making his prone position difficult to keep. 

 

Six fifty seven. 

 

Six fifty eight.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Six fifty nine

 

Chris scanned the area, waiting, watching.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Seven on the nose and Jared moved from watchful and observant to trained sniper in a millisecond, the height of the balcony, the coverage, his friend.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Seven oh three and the impala glided in to the car park. Chris watched the discussion, saw Jensen lean forward, saw the kiss, saw Jensen move round to Jared’s side of the car, struggling to open the door and falling to his knees reaching in to his lover. In Chris’s peripheral vision he saw a movement and he switched focus to track the short guy in the rumpled suit. 

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

On the balcony Jared had a different view, he watched as the man, that he imagined from the photos he had seen was Jensen, left the car, he followed the short guy in the suit as he crossed to the car, wished the person would turn from his path, move away, but knowing in his heart that this was the person who Jared needed to stop

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris started to walk, his gun up, Jensen with his back to him, partially blocking his view of the shorter guy, hearing the words Jensen Ackles, moving closer, to the left, seeing the shorter guys gun, firing without realising, from this curious trajectory, his bullet winging Jensen and catching the shorter man in the throat.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jared fired without a seconds thought as soon as he saw the gun. 50 degree angle, no breeze, close quarters, the bullet buried itself in the shorter mans neck, jerking him forward into Jensen and dropping the both of them to the ground in seconds.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Chris reached Jensen as he dropped the floor, falling to his knees, pushing the dead guy away, not sparing a thought for him.

 

“Jensen, Jensen” he said, shit, surely the bullet had only …

 

“Chris…” he groaned, “…what the fuck”

 

“Just stay still Jen, someone is on their way”

 

Jensen closed his eyes, the pain wasn’t that bad, and if anything he felt – Jared.

 

Scrabbling Jensen went to stand, using Chris to help him up Jared…Jared

 

Jared was as still as death in the car, his skin translucent, his eyes staring and vacant, his breath hitching as the spider veins closed tighter and tighter around his throat, strangling the pulse, climbing up into his face.

 

“Jared…” Jensen pulled Chris’s hand from his arm, resting a hand on Jared’s chest, feeling his heart stutter, low and sluggish, Jared’s strong frame taut and bowed in pain. “Jared - ” Jensen cried, moving his hand up, to his lovers face, his voice choked, his head full of prayers that he had no hope of being answered.

 

“Jen?” Jared whispered, moving his fingers, needing to touch, a small smile ghosting his split lip, grotesque in the mask of red that was bubbling and popping under the surface of his pale skin. Jensen grabbed at the hand, pulled it close to his heart, “..you’re alive” he added with effort, coughing, blood trickling from his mouth, his nose, his eyes.

 

“Jared … no … what can I do?”

 

“Dead … man … the Presid … Chris will know …” he managed to say, then looked straight ahead, out of the car window, his eyes brightening for a second, he mouthed two words to the man standing at the front of the car, the man who stood, tears rolling down a face contorted with the same marks as Jared, thank you.

 

Detective Padalecki, from San Antonia PD, nodded, catching Chris’s eyes and grimacing, the pain in his body almost driving him to his knees.

 

Jensen read the mouthed word, followed Jared’s gaze, saw Jared’s mirror image and looked back at his Jared, his Jared, sobbing quietly what can I do?.

 

With a final broken cry Jared’s body arched in pain, and then he was gone, a shimmer, a curtain of opaque sparks, gone, and Jensen had nothing to hold onto.

 

Gone

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Detective Padalecki watched in horror as the man he knew as Nathan sat dying in front of him, and then disappeared as if he had never existed. The acid pain eating away inside him ceasing as curiously as it had started. 

 

He slumped against the car, his breath heaving, feeling someone touching him, holding him up.

 

“Jared, Jared, you have to go, can you stand”

 

“Where did he ..”

 

“Jared let’s go”

 

He looked up, his eyes meeting Jensen’s, Jensen, blank, shocky, horrified, backing away, his eyes raw with tears, holding his hands up pleading, then turning and running.

 

“Jensen!” Chris’s voice, calling after his friend, before turning back to a scene of shocked silence, a few people standing around, looking. 

 

Chris was torn, he wanted to run after his friend but he needed to clear this scene … soon. 

 

He dialled 911, called it in, turned to Jared

 

“I assume you did...” his voice tailed off, his hand waving to indicate the second shot that had hit the stranger.

 

“It was me” Jared replied softly.

 

“Go, go back to your hotel, I’ll find you” Jared didn’t stay to argue, he turned on his heel, leaving the scene; the impala, the dead man.

 

Chris knelt down next to the dead man, sitting back on his heels as he turned the guy over, the eyes open and staring, blue dimmed to black, frozen in death.

 

Shit, he knew this man, some scientist freak from the Pentagon, on the Presidents special projects rota, small guy, rumpled suits, Max, Max Hardy?

 

Maxwell Harvey. 

 

Why was he trying to kill Jensen?

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen ran for ages, his feet steady and sure on the pavement of Washington, running without realising it to the cemetery. Arlington cemetery. Slowing to a walk he wandered vaguely along marked paths, the grief in his heart overwhelming him, rendering him completely incapable of thinking anything through.

 

Jared had just gone.

 

As he held his hand, he had just gone, left him, left him to deal with the rest of his life on his own.

 

Leaving the path he crossed to a stone, out of sight, shaded and dark, and he literally fell to the floor, burying his head in his hands, shaking, sobbing, completely undone.

 

The rest of his life

 

Alone.


	16. Chapter 16

Chris sat down opposite Jensen, the cold beer sliding over to his friend, being caught deftly and thrown down his neck just as fast. Between them lay all of Jared’s research, most of which they didn’t understand, but if Jensen’s fingers traced lettering carefully, if they lingered a bit longer on the physical evidence Jared had been here; well Chris wasn’t going to say a thing. Jensen his friend was gone, he died the same night as Jared, all that was left was a robot, work, sleep, eat, work, sleep, eat. Although looking at his friend he didn’t seem to be sleeping if his haggard face was anything to go, and considering he was looking gaunt he didn’t imagine much eating was happening either.

 

“He told me, he said, Chris would know.” It had been four weeks since Jared had been pulled away from them, and Jensen knew something was going to happen to the President at some point, some kind of attempt. Chris had passed it up the chain of command, not exact details, just worries and concerns about threats. He had worked for so long with the ex President and now the new president that his word was trusted.

 

“If only Moore - ” The scientist had been Jensen’s first port of call, hoping he would be able to get information, finding little, except the scientist’s body laid on the floor, cold dead, red scars gouged into delicate skin, blood dark black on the floor around him. He hadn’t been pulled back; he had died here, here in this darkened basement, away from his time. Jensen had to stop himself being sick, seeing the physical evidence that scarred him as it had scarred Jared, and knowing how much pain the scientist had been in when he died. He had gathered every shred of evidence from there with Chris’s help and it was all now in the spare room.

 

It seemed they had trawled through everything three times, four times, twenty times, but still the obvious eluded them until Jensen pulled at papers Jared had obviously stored in the back, not filed in order, just loose. Chris had been through them, Jensen had too, so what was it in those papers that nagged at him.

 

“Harvey. Maxwell Harvey” Jensen started, pulling a pad to him and tapping a pen against the paper thoughtfully.

 

“Scientist, worked on other projects, connected to Moore, worked on initial stages of Terrenus, way back, solid family history, daughter in college, son in the army, we don’t know anything else” Chris summarised from notes and memory.

 

”So what would turn this seemingly stable family man into someone who would want to kill the President?”

 

“The age old reasons I guess; lust, money, position, prestige, family” Chris looked at Jensen, he added a last to the list, secrets, like the secret he was keeping from Jensen, the fact that other people besides Harvey had wanted Jensen and indeed Jared dead. Jensen looked so determined, it was only a matter of time before he tracked the information down anyway.

 

“Dude, we need to talk” Chris started, as firmly as he could.

 

“Yeah?” Jensen didn’t look up from his notes, a frown etched into freckled pale skin.

 

“Just before the whole … thing … I was approached by someone telling me some weird ass shit, stuff that seemed fantastic and out of this world, you, Jared, the President. He kinda had me convinced that it is Jared that kills the president in the future, he had timelines, and reasons and shit… Jensen … it was so easy to believe” Jensen went quiet, lifted his head to look Chris in the eye.

 

“Someone asked you to kill Jared”

 

“And you”

 

“And me”

 

”Not asked … ordered”

 

”From who”

 

”Jensen - ”

 

“Who?”

 

”Grant, an aide to Senator Grant” Jensen stood, Chris inwardly flinched, seeing tense anger in his friend’s taut face

 

“I need some air” Jensen rasped out, slipping a jacket on and moving to the front door “I’ll be back soon” he said tightly and closed the door behind him.

 

It was a good twenty minutes until Chris realised he wasn’t coming back.

 

It only took him ten seconds to make the decision to hold off warning Grant that Jensen was on his way.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was so easy to get through security, flashing his secret service credentials, excusing his visit as an ad-hoc security check with agents he knew and who trusted him, they did at least relieve him of his gun, but he didn’t need that.

 

He was even directed to Grant’s office by the helpful housekeeper, even though she did cast him a suspicious glance, his appearance not helped by the lack of shaving and the probable look of desperation in his face.

 

He didn’t knock, just walked in and shut the door behind him, the Senator not even looking up from his desk.

 

”Jensen Ackles” he said softly, signing something with a flourish and closing the folder in front of him, finally settling back in his seat and looking up. “I could say something cliché like I’ve been expecting you, but I really wasn’t sure if you’d follow the trail to me this soon, I suppose Christian has filled in some blanks”

 

Jensen said nothing for a long while; the two men just looking at each other

 

“Why?” Jensen finally asked. “Why did you order Chris to kill me? To kill Jared?”

 

Grant sat quietly, crossing his arms across his chest. “It’s complicated” he said simply

 

“I’m a bright guy, I can handle it” Jensen responded dryly, Grant sighed.

 

“In the end it was Moore who convinced us Jared was a threat. He was keeping us informed and he was running scared, scared of what he had done, scared of what he had brought back with him, scared of Jared.”

 

“Scared how?”

 

”He came back … to work on Terrenus … he knew things … things we could never comprehend … tell me how we were ever supposed to disbelieve what he said?” Grant left the question hanging; Jensen didn’t have an answer for it. “He didn’t want any part of politics, imagined plots and assassinations, attempts or otherwise. He just wanted to work in peace. Jared wouldn’t let him. Wouldn’t leave him alone.”

 

“So? He created an assassination attempt in the future to get you involved, to guarantee your support?”.

 

“I have nothing to be sorry for Mr Ackles - ”

 

“Apart from the fact that Jared saved your daughter’s life and deserved your - ”

 

“That was unfortunate timing” Grant interrupted.

 

”Unfortunate?” Jensen’s temper was starting to bubble beneath the surface.

 

“I gave Christian the choice, I gave him the autonomy to make the decision for himself, he chose to help you, he chose to save your life” 

 

“Where does Harvey fit into all of this?”

 

“I’m not sure we’ll ever know”

 

“Jared said there was another person when your daughter was mugged … a traveller?”

 

“This is a dangerous project, Terrenus, it has indirectly been responsible for the deaths of so many”

 

“So it stops, you can stop it”

 

”Harvey is dead, Moore is dead, no one has the capability of understanding Terrenus”

 

“Destroy it, destroy it all, now, before this happens again, close it down”

 

“Jensen, if I told you there may be a way to get Jared out of this middle ground, this limbo between his time and ours would you fight for it?”

 

”What the fuck? There is a - ” it isn’t possible Jared said…

 

“A Jared in this time, he is intrinsically fixed to your Jared, linked, physically emotionally”

 

“I can give you 72 hours, then I am shutting Terrenus down for good, I suggest you take these files…” he handed over innocuous looking grey files “… and you get on a flight to Texas”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Morally he couldn’t do this. He had read the case reports, understood the theory, but it had never been tested.

 

He had Jared’s number, not his Jared, not my Jared, and he dialled it about an hour out of San Antonio International. If Jared was surprised to hear from him he didn’t let it show in his voice and agreed to meet Jensen at the airport. They didn’t exchange anything except polite hellos and within fifteen minutes they had stopped in the car park of McAllister Park. Jared turned off the engine, and finally Jensen turned to look at him. Younger, brighter, his hazel eyes alive and watchful.

 

“How are you?” Jensen finally asked, his heart pounding in his chest, his mouth dry, physically fighting down the horror and grief he was feeling. Jared pulled back the sleeve of his shirt, showing Jensen the faint scars, the spidery lines from the isotopic connection.

 

“Thas’all I have to remind me” he said softly. Jensen looked down, at his own twisting hands in his lap.

 

“I need to thank you” Jensen said suddenly, “Chris told me you saved my life”

 

“We both did.” End of conversation.

 

Jensen didn’t know what to say, he was coming here, asking this man, to put his life on the line, for some nebulous it may work

 

“I have some notes, some instructions … Terrenus … there could be away of getting Jared … my Jared … out of the middle place …”

 

“It involves me?”

 

“It does, which is why we need to talk. I’m not expecting anything, I’m not even asking, I just want you to know there is thing out there, this possibility, this chance…” Jensen’s voice tailed off, he realised he was pleading to be heard, not a positive start.

 

Jared opened the door of the 4x4, turning back to Jensen “Lets walk” he said firmly.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They walked and talked for what seemed like hours. It was at the same time the hardest and yet the easiest conversation Jensen had ever had. It scared him how easily he slipped back into talking the way he would have talked to his Jared.

 

They had circled and circled and finally reached Jared’s 4x4, and then they stood. Jensen had laid it on the line, his Jared’s consciousness was in limbo, it could potentially be pulled back with the same isotope, dangerous, unpredictable, untested.

 

“I want to ask you one last question…” Jared said leaning back against the car. “He is me, I am him, could you never just be happy with me?” Jensen looked startled, he had never even thought about that. His Jared was in pain somewhere, in limbo, how could he turn his back? “You know you found each other in his time, in your time … why not our time?” Jared added, not questioning, or demanding, just stating.

 

How could Jensen explain the almost visceral love that was carved inside him permanently? He shook his head sadly.

 

“I’m sorry.” He said softly, and he really was.

 

“I’m not sure I can do this for you, for him” Jared replied, Jensen’s heart stopped, but he tried to stay strong and not just fall in a heap on the floor desperate and begging.

 

They didn’t talk on the way back to San Antonio International, both lost in deep thought. When they pulled up to the airport Jared carried on to the car parking, stopping and turning to Jensen. How can he get Jensen to understand the grief he held inside that was compelling him to go to DC.

 

“Imma gonna come back with ya” he drawled suddenly and Jensen swallowed at the intensity on Jared’s face. “Not promisin’ anything” he added “but I will come to DC”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Within 24 hours they were back in DC with clearance from Grant to the locked Terrenus basement.

 

They stood, the two men, in silence, contemplating where they were standing.

 

It was just the two of them.

 

No one else was allowed in.

 

“I just want to look.” Said Jared. Who he was saying it to he didn’t know, to the empty room, to the man at his side, to the ghost of Jared that weaved in and around him.

 

“You know that I’m not expecting or asking you to do anything”

 

“I know you’re not”

 

“I don’t even know what made me say, or why you are here”

 

“You still can’t understand why I am stood here can you?”

 

“No” Jensen just looked a bit bewildered and a lot lost.

 

Jared shrugged, he was not going to start explaining the strange hypnotic connection he felt to Jensen, or the creepy ice cold shivers he felt tracing down his spine when he lay in bed at night. Nor was he going to try and put in words the emptiness that was gnawing away inside him, as if part of him was missing. Every time he traced the scars on his arms it was as if Nathan was inside his head, the other half of him.

 

“So … I have the same genetic isotopic marker injected, we run the machine, I go back, I bring back Nathan’s imprint back with me, inside me”

 

“That is the way Moore said it should go” Jensen’s voice was quiet, deadly quiet.

 

“Not Nathan physically … I mean …”

 

“Jared, I don’t know … we can’t do this … you can’t do this … I don’t want you to do this”

 

Jared turned to stand right up close, his face inches away, his hands up to rest on Jensen’s shoulders ”I can’t explain this Jensen, I don’t know where to start, it feels like I should be doing this. I know he would do it for me, because he is me. Every day I feel less of a person.” Jared looked so earnest, looked so convinced, wanting to explain it so damn hard.

 

“Less of a person”

 

“It is like ice inside me, like a connection to Nathan that is slowly freezing me inside, in my heart … Jeez I can’t explain it right.”

 

“Jared - ”

 

“No, no Jensen, I have to try this, because … because I feel like I am … dying … inside … and that other half of me … I need that.” Jared dropped his hands, started to unbutton jeans, toeing off sneakers.

 

Jensen reached to stop him “please, may be we could try, maybe I could - ”

 

“No Jensen, it would be loving half a man, not a man at all.” He finished removing clothes until he stood tall in front of Jensen. He waited. Jensen needed to inject the matching isotope. “Jensen” he prompted, indicating the injector pen. 

 

He saw Jensen visibly shake himself back into the here and now, reaching for the pen, carefully unlocking the shield and pressing it against Jared’s arm, releasing the injection. Jared raised his eyes to Jensen’s and they considered each other carefully.

 

“Ready?” Jensen asked softly

 

“As I’ll ever be” Jared replied, holding out his hand to shake Jensen’s. They shook hands, and backed away, Jared to Terrenus, Jensen to the computer.

 

Jared stood under the netting, looking back at Jensen and giving the famous Padalecki grin, like nothing could touch him.

 

The computer counted down, Jensen had to stop himself from shutting it down and as it passed 10 seconds it locked in and he could do no more except watch. It would be three minutes the journey, until the isotopes locked and Terrenus dragged Jared back. It would appear instantaneous for Jensen, as if Jared had gone nowhere. 

 

The curtain of light shimmered, sparks in the air, and then nothing.

 

Until the screaming.

 

Jared reappearing in the same shimmer, his body carved with webs of red, blood dripping from each cut, his body arched down on the concrete floor, Jensen ran, the phone in his hand, dialling the medics, giving location, dropping to his knees next to Jared, his long scarred body hot to touch, his eyes wide and staring, convulsing in pain.

 

One last convulsion, hands clutching at air, grasping for help and he stilled.

 

Deathly still.

 

Jared.


	17. Chapter 17

“I want to take him home” he explained to Chris, both of them standing outside Jared’s hospital room, Jensen resting his head on the glass, watching Jared sleeping.

 

“Home?” To Jensen’s apartment?

 

“To San Antonio back to his family, they want him home, I want to take him home, last night … I said I’d bring him home” he finished softly.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

”The Doctors wont let him fly, they don’t know about the … the head … Jared’s head”

 

“So … you plan on what … driving?”

 

”Yeah…” Jensen smiled softly, “a road trip”

 

“Jen - ”

 

“They don’t know Chris, he’s not eating properly, he’s not talking, he’s … ” Jensen’s voice trailed off.

 

“He’s very ill man, he nearly died, are you sure - ”

 

“The doctors say they are releasing him tomorrow, they have plans in place, somewhere to send him to mend, so they say. But to what? To the chaos that is in his head? To the fear that shapes him? In some anonymous facility where they’ll dope him up and keep him quiet? No Chris.”

 

”For what it is worth I think you are doing the right thing Jen, if they say Jared is OK to travel, then yeah, you should take him” Chris squeezed his arm reassuringly, “what can I do?” Jensen looked up, green eyes sparking, an actual smile on his face.

 

“I handed in my notice Chris” he looked incredulous, a little bit shocked at what he had done maybe?

 

Chris returned his smile, “I know man and I approved it”

 

“I’m going to take Jared home, sort him out, get him settled, get myself home to Dallas”

 

“It will be good for you man, good for you both”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen was the only person Jared reacted to, the only person allowed to touch him outside of the doctors. Jensen had taken to laying on Jared’s bed, relaxing as the younger man would curl into him, sighing and hiding into Jensen’s neck, his strong fingers buried in Jensen’s shirt. His breathing would even out and he actually had a good amount of sleep. He would still wake up after … out of it … not quite there, but he would wake up with bright eyes and for that Jensen would stay on the bed all day if he could. The doctors had no label for what Jared was going through; they blamed retrograde memory loss caused by the accident, but because no one could detail the accident in full, they couldn’t exactly diagnose the problem.

 

Jared knew his name, he knew Jensen and Chris. He didn’t speak, he didn’t indicate he was happy or sad, or if he needed anything. He just stared blankly, or lay with his eyes closed. Physically he had healed well. Doctors had commented on the unexplained spider web of cuts; described the look of them as if they had been caused by acid that had bubbled under his skin. Some of the larger cuts on his body, down his left arm and across his neck and chest refused to heal cleanly and Jensen knew there would be scars. 

 

His face had cleared up OK, but his eyes, his beautiful hazel eyes; there was a film on them that no one could explain or remove. The experts were certain he could see, but how well was open to debate. Jensen thought that went some way to explaining why Jared seemed so scared, especially if he couldn’t see who was approaching him.

 

Mentally though, it was almost as if he was a small child on their first day in a large school, chaos and noise scared him, routine soothed him.

 

Jensen knew Jared was in there somewhere; his Jared maybe not, but he refused to think that now Jared had lost himself trying to get to the essence of his other half. Time, all he needed was time, and time was the one thing Jensen had now. Six weeks Jared had been in hospital; six weeks to sublet his apartment, sick leave his notice, cash in everything, buy a new 4x4, rationalise clothes and possessions, add in clothes for Jared, none of Nathan’s - all new, and there, he was ready to go.

 

Jared was released on Halloween, Jensen helped him into new clothes and sneakers, and moving through corridors resonant with the anticipation of ghosts and ghouls, they reached the new car. The sunlight made Jared blink and Jensen passed him sunglasses; he took them but seemed strangely unaware of what to do with them. He let Jensen help him, with the glasses, with getting in to the vehicle, with strapping him in the car. He stopped as Jared moved, touched a warm hand to his, gripping his wrist strongly, he tried to look into Jared’s eyes, through the glasses, regretting he was wearing them, but Jared lowered his head, examining his fingers and resting them on his lap. 

 

Jensen sighed inwardly, his heart breaking a little more each day.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was like there were two people in his head, two voices, chanting and shouting and screaming and he simply didn’t have the capacity to talk or to even begin to think properly. He wanted to say this to Jensen, wanted to tell him how he was feeling, but all he could do was touch; touch Jensen, hold on to Jensen, find his centre in Jensen.

 

His diminished eyesight scared him, he was watching the light and dark, the shadows playing in his peripheral vision, and they seemed blurred and indistinct, fragile and fleeting; he felt almost as if … if he could see then he could make sense of it all. He could hear Jensen singing, and simply because it drowned out the chaos and the contradictions he wanted him to carry on singing forever. He closed his eyes behind the dark glasses, desperate to focus on Jensen, relaxing his mind, pulling the two souls together, feeling it work as slowly as treacle running from a spoon, then imagining he had lost the connection again, slipping into sleep.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They stopped at Roanoke that night, and they stayed for two days and two nights, spent some time visiting the Roanoke valley; mostly sitting, Jensen mostly talking, his soft southern vowels slipping into Jared’s consciousness forming a glue that started to pull thoughts together. Jared still couldn’t speak, didn’t remember how to now, his throat raw and bruised from the ventilator he had been on, the welts around his neck restrictive of movement.

 

Each night they returned their hotel, slept in the same bed, Jensen flat on his back, Jared curled into him, across his chest, hands grasping his T-shirt, his breath hot and steady against Jensen’s neck, lulled to sleep by the gently rhythmic stroking of Jensen’s soothing hand.

It was real sleep, fresh sleep and gave time to start healing

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Kingsport and Cookeville were the same, two days, two nights.

 

Sleeping, listening, becoming more aware, desperately wanting to talk.

 

Wanting to understand what was happening inside him, but not knowing where to start.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Memphis was a blur. 

 

They only stayed one night, the pain in Jared’s head so intense it got to the point where he cried. 

 

Sobbed tears that were created in the chaos in his head.

 

Jensen just held him, stroking those same soothing circles on his back, but nothing worked, he just couldn’t stop the explosion of emotion that was welling inside him. At four in the morning they climbed in the car, Jared unsteady on his feet and clearly exhausted and Jensen drove. He pointed the car at Dallas and he drove. He didn’t stop, except for gas, and they covered 450 miles in one go, Jared fitfully dozing and crying, finally collapsing in exhaustion to a deep terror filled sleep.

 

They pulled up outside Jensen’s childhood home, Jared still comatose, and Jensen just sat, his knuckles white on the steering wheel, tears of exhaustion and distress forcing their way through days of hoping and praying. 

 

Suddenly they were there, forewarned by a call ten miles outside of Richardson, opening his door, gently pulling him out, enclosing him in love and support. 

 

His family.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

There was peace here. Peace against the snow-white sheets of the bed, dappled light casting shadows in the room. Surrounded by Jensen’s family. His mom, quiet and soft and understanding, his dad confident and brash and Mack, who sat and read at him for what seemed like hours, her voice a soft feminine version of Jensen’s.

 

He was more in control, he could think, control his walking, dress himself and he was going to talk. Today … or whatever day … whenever … tomorrow maybe … sometime … he was going to say something … say one word that was his life … one word that meant everything to him. 

 

Today maybe.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Jensen checked in with Jared’s family every day, and everyday he told them something new. Maybe it would be some emotion that Jared couldn’t hide, embarrassment, a smile, sadness, maybe it was a physical improvement. Jensen pointed out today that Jared didn’t seem to be covering his ears any more, wasn’t so lost in discussion or in following conversation. Jared’s mom had cried on more that one occasion, and Jensen promised that by Christmas they would be in San Antonio.

 

He replaced the phone in the charger and sighed, his shoulders slumping. He really needed to sort out somewhere to live, somewhere to go when he gave Jared back to his family. It was going to be in San Antonio, not in Richardson, his family understood, knew he didn’t want to be far from Jared, well it’s closer than DC his brother had commented.

 

He felt a faint touch on his arm and turned to find Jared standing there, waiting and watching.

 

“Your mum says hi” Jensen smiled, taking the younger man by the hand and leading him into the sitting room, sitting back in the sofa and dragging Jared down with him. Jared pulled back, his hands shaping Jensen’s face. Jensen was used to this. It was almost as if Jared was relearning by touch and Jensen enjoyed the physical closeness. He smiled again, Jared made him smile, Jared gave him peace.

 

“Jensen” a soft voice, gravely and unused, pushed with a warm breath from Jared’s chest. Jensen looked alternately shocked and then stunned and then he just smiled the broadest smile, pulling Jared in for a close hug.

 

Jared pillowed in to the older man, reaching for warmth and peace.

 

He had just said the word that meant everything.

 

Jensen.


	18. Chapter 18

In less than three hours they had reached Jared’s family home, and his mom was waiting. She wrapped him in a big hug, speaking to him softly, doing everything right, and he held on to her so tight Jensen was worried Jared would snap her in two.

 

“Mom” he whispered into her hair, so low only she would hear it and she pulled back, grasping his hand, and he followed, a smile on his face. As she passed Jensen she touched his arm briefly, thank you, she mouthed smiling, he nodded and looked at Jared’s expressive face, he seemed at peace, back where he belonged, and it made Jensen happy and sad at the same time, feelings he was used to having inside him for so long.

 

They sat in Jared’s mom’s kitchen, sipping fragrant coffee and eating sandwiches and chips, Jensen talking about their journey, every so often Jared interjecting with single words. Every time Jared spoke, Jensen would pause, looking over at him with fondness and amazement, and for his sins Jared kept punching him in the arm.

 

“…so that is when we decided to leave, cos Memphis was way to heavy” Jensen said taking a good mouthful of coffee and feeling himself relax.

 

“Chaos” Jared agreed.

 

“Jared honey …” his mom laid a hand on his arm and he looked at her smiling, dropping his head a little to move down to her level “I wonder if you have thought of seeing someone who can maybe help you?”

 

“Like a doctor?” Jensen prompted seeing the nerves drop onto Jared’s face

 

”Maybe, maybe a psychologist, someone to talk to?” Jared reached for Jensen’s hand, not looking, but finding his anchor even so.

 

“I’m not sure that is what Jared wants at the moment, I think he wants peace, I mean he is doing so well”

 

”It’s been two months now Jensen, I just want to help him” she desperately tried not to talk as if her six four of grown up son wasn’t in the room.

 

“I know, Jared knows, just let us have some time, I’m going to rent a house somewhere near here and I’ll - ”

 

“No”, this from a clearly agitated Jared, beseechingly he looked at his mother, willing her to understand what he wanted to say

 

“Nonsense Jensen, you can stay here, Jeff’s old room is empty, we have a bed in it, you can stay for as long as you want, as long as Jared needs you”. Jensen smiled his thanks, he wasn’t going to argue, he wanted to be with Jared 24/7, and he looked over at the younger man, seeing his eyes closed, relief on his face, and it felt good.

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Terrenus had been officially shut down, which only left one thing. 

 

The notebooks. 

 

Nathan’s notebooks.

 

Chris had followed the same assumptions as Jensen, knew it was something to do with the President, but given Jared’s mental state he was going to be no help in sorting this out.

 

The senator had invited Chris out today to his house, he was to bring the books, they were going to put theories together, categorise them, and ascertain if there was a real threat.

 

The senator had asked his aide to leave the room and standing at a whiteboard, drinking coffee and talking it all out, they were left with two names.

 

Maxwell Harvey and Jem Moore.

 

The senator took a pen and added another name to the list, a name that Chris had not considered, Jared Padalecki sharpshooter, absent 30 minutes at time of shooting.

 

Chris looked at Grant horrified and moved to cross Jared’s name off, the senator just smiled sadly and asked Chris to sit down.

 

“Terrenus was being shut down Chris, after this test, all three men on the board knew that, Jem had already gone back long before, to work on this project out of our reach.” Chris nodded in agreement, he couldn’t believe it of this Jem guy either, he had time at his disposal, why kill at all? Grant continued, “Now, Maxwell? Well it seems from Jared’s research that this anti war scientist had every reason to shoot the President, he was absent for the same thirty minutes, but he wasn’t a sharpshooter, didn’t know how to handle guns, so despite being anti administration he is low on my list.”

 

“And mine” Chris agreed again, frustrated that this led to one man.

 

“So now we come to the addition I have listed – one Jared Tristan Padalecki – lover of Jensen Ackles who appeared in his timeline to have tragically died on September 3rd. Remember also that he was a member of the Terrenus security team, was aware of what it could do, albeit in a very general way. He knew it was being shut down, he was handed the protocols for destruction himself. So, how does he guarantee that the project continues? How does he guarantee that he would be sent back, not five minutes, not one hour, but two whole years, enough of a way back to perhaps alter the course of his own history, or that of Jensen Ackles”.

 

“Jesus”

 

”By killing the President, causing enough evidence to make us send him back to stop the crime, sending him back to the time that Jem went back, getting involved way back”

 

“But he didn’t - ”

 

“According to his timeline, he was sent back an hour, he checked in with Maxwell, he left, there is then 30 minutes unaccounted for, enough time for a shooter of Jared’s skill to locate a weapon he had hidden in preparation, shoot the President, and then disappear at the allotted time back to Terrenus. You find the gun, but no shooter, no evidence of a shooter. Jared arrives back at Terrenus to the cries of the President is dead, and a vice president who acts before he thinks sends a ticking bomb back in time”

 

No words, Chris couldn’t say anything at first, as he absorbed Grant’s proposal. “So the document I received detailing time anomalies, and presidential threats, that was from Jared himself?”

 

“I would assume so, it fits”

 

“Jared is a patriot, he wouldn’t have killed the President and I don’t -”

 

“He didn’t you see” Grant said waving his hand at the board “he went back in time, he knew he wouldn’t shoot the President in that time, so it was like it never happened”

 

“But why did Harvey try to kill Jensen?”

 

“I’m not sure we’ll ever know exactly what happened, my heart tells me that he knew what Jared had done and he went back to that exact night to keep time on the right course, he may have died a hero”

 

“Fuck”

 

“Exactly”

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Christmas was quiet; Jared was talking much more, his mind settling, like the two parts of him were melding together to form a cohesive whole, but the family were careful, no shouting, no sudden noises, no confrontations, just a peaceful happiness that pervaded the house and kept Jared sane.

 

They were sleeping in the same bedroom, Jared had tried to sleep apart … he had lasted ten minutes in his old room before crossing the hall and then climbing into Jensen’s bed, smiling shyly and wrapping his hands around the older man burying his face into Jensen’s neck and falling asleep in minutes.

 

Jared’s mom had obviously done checks on her sleeping family and concerned she opened Jensen’s door, going to ask where Jared had gone and finding him curled up next to a now sleeping Jensen, their heads close, breathing in unison and so very quiet. She looked for a while at her son, and the strong man that held him, and she cried, softly, silently. She didn’t know what had happened in DC, part of her never wanted to know, but Jensen … well Jensen was just special enough to be with Jared … and for that she would be forever grateful.

 

In January Jared was ready to leave, his speech was almost back to normal, in fact to look at him you wouldn’t know there was anything wrong with him. He sometimes pulled back from discussions, like the very process of thinking and forming words was painful, but Jensen knew how to deal with that, deflecting the direction the conversation was going and just enjoying the words Jared’s could use.

 

“It’s time for me to leave here,” Jared said softly to Jensen, just before midnight as they lay close together in his brother’s bed.

 

Jensen looked down at him, “where will you go?” he asked softly, his throat tightening in expectation of a response he couldn’t handle.

 

“I have a house, it’s mine, I own it in full, no mortgage, it’s got three bedrooms, room for dogs, I wanna go home”

 

“OK Jay, I can help you do that”

 

”I want you to come with me …” Jared said clearly, “… you and me together, in our house” Jensen tightened his hold on the younger man.

 

“That sound great, we can do that”

 

”Tomorrow”

 

”Tomorrow”

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

It was difficult to tell who was more excited, Jared at moving back in to his own house, or Jensen at moving in with Jared. Jared’s mum had gathered the family and every one of them had helped, cleaning, groceries, beds, and now they had all gone, peace at last.

 

They didn’t even bother moving any of Jensen’s meagre belongings into a separate room, just dumped it all in the master bedroom and fell back on the Jared sized bed, sighing contentedly.

 

“This is a good feeling” Jared offered the start of the conversation.

 

“God yeah” Jensen replied, smiling as Jared pushed himself up on one elbow, his free hand curling in to Jensen’s blue shirt.

 

“He is in here with me you know” he began uncertainly, Jensen frowned “Nathan, is in here, his memories are in my head, his … his soul … I don’t know … but we are both here”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

”I don’t know how to explain it. The machine, the …” his voice tailed off

 

“Terrenus, the whole isotope thing?” Jensen prompted gently

 

“Yeah, that.” Jared paused; using his I’m searching for the right word face “I’m Jared, but I have Nathan as part of me, it kinda worked, it pulled us together” Jensen reached up and traced one of the scars around Jared’s neck.

 

“But at such a price Jay” his words were slurred with unshed tears.

 

”I tried to explain back then, that I was missing something, that I had a connection to Nathan, something pulling me back, towards him, and I have him and he has me.” Jared shut his eyes, his own tears threatening to fall … this was so damn difficult.

 

Jensen’s hand moved from the younger mans neck to cup a hot face; he could feel the tension vibrating through Jared’s body as he tilted his head into Jensen’s hand, pressing against the cool skin.

 

He opened his eyes, looking into Jensen’s, showing, as best he could, exactly what he was trying to say by expression alone, but he couldn’t. There was only one way to show Jensen and he leaned forward, touching his warm lips to Jensen’s, pressing firmly so that there could be no mistaking intention. Jensen groaned low in his throat, moving his hand to anchor in Jared’s long hair, wrapping it round his fingers, pulling Jared in further. He opened his mouth to Jared’s searching kisses, tongues meeting tentatively, small bites on hot lips. It had been so long. So long for both of them.

 

What am I doing? What am I doing? This isn’t my Jared, this is-

 

“No” pushing Jared back Jensen scrambled to his feet, levering himself off the bed, not looking back, and fairly much running down the stairs and into the darkening garden, the rain that had threatened earlier was cold on his overheated skin. He stood, looking up in to the gentle rain, his head thrown back, tears running down his face, how could he do this, how could he betray his Jared, with this Jared, how could he even think…

 

“Do you trust me?” Jared’s voice from behind. His Jared. He went to turn, but strong arms held him in place “Don’t move …”, damn he couldn’t move if he tried “ … shut your eyes” he did, his senses on overload as he felt Jared move round to the front of him. He frowned, Jared’s hands on his shoulders, possessive and heavy.

 

“Do you remember Jensen? Do you remember the silk, the way you wrapped it around your own wrist, the way I pushed you down and tied you, your wrists, and told you to trust me? Do you see it in your head, my mouth hot on yours, moving down your body, sucking you, biting you, do you remember it was my way of saying goodbye? Because I do. Every night I bury myself in your neck now, I feel you, I see you as my lover, I make sense of the emotions I am feeling and I know it is me here wanting you …” he paused, moving his hands down to grasp at Jensen and pushing Jensen’s hand behind his back, holding them still with one hand tight around his Jensen’s delicate wrists. 

 

The other hand he bought up to ghost across Jensen’s face, arching the older man’s neck and biting gently on his pulse, licking and sucking at the small point, marking him. “Do you remember? Do you feel me?”

 

”Jared” Jensen’s voice was nothing more than a breathy groan

 

“Open your eyes Jen, tell me what you see”

 

Jensen opened his eyes, the green almost unearthly in the dusk, his pupils blown “I see you Jared, I see you,” he said softly.

 

_My Jared_

 

 

THE END


End file.
